Officer, officer! Calm down! There’s a perfectly good explanation for why I’m out here on this beach drinking bottles of White Oak wine and then smashing them with a rock; it’s because I like to help people!
You see, sea glass is becoming harder to find these days since companies are making more and more products out of plastic. Well, I just happen to have all these bottles of 2006 White Oak Napa Valley Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon at home, and I was feeling a little bit greedy hoarding all that glass, so I thought, “Hey! Why don’t I break a few bottles down and introduce some new shards into the ecosystem?” And now here I am, just helping out the collectors and the artisans! On a private beach! At 1am!
Oh but of course, I needed to drink the wine before smashing the bottles, officer. Don’t be ridiculous! I just had to relish in the merlot’s bright fruit notes of black cherry, vanilla, coffee, and chocolate; and the Cab Sauv’s flavors of currant, black plum, and tea, which are supported by its ripe tannins, by the way.
I mean, what else would you have me do? Just pour all that wine out on the sand? Officer, that’s called littering, and last time I checked littering is illegal!
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