The best part of Monterey Jack? It never pretends to be something it isn't. That's what makes it so versatile.
Oi, love, ye fancy a bit a th' ol 'alf dry, do ye? Well, ol' Jackie's go' a bi' a' ... okay, okay, CUT! I'm sorry, Ridley, I know I'm not supposed to say cut, but this just isn't working here. I'm not really the sort of cheese that can play Jack The Ripper. I'm a 2lb wedge of Monterey Jack and that's all I've ever wanted to be!
I know when you saw me working in that diner, your heart just sped up. I know you said my black pepper coating gave me "the spice" you needed for your new epic: Ripplicant Revenge, but I just can't be a standoffish monster. I'm the kind of cheese that goes with wine, and beer, and maybe some nice garden tomatoes! Not dark alleyways and foggy London nights!
I'm sorry, Ridley. If I don't get to make some script chances, I'll have to walk. What about adding a scene where I melt into a nice fondue? You know, to show my soft side? Or maybe I get mixed up in a lasagna with hilarious consequences as I learn the stereotypes about ricotta just aren't true? We could make it a comedy, and call it Romantplicant! Oh! Romantplicant Holiday! Wouldn't that be lovely?
Well, I guess you do have your vision. I hope you and Damon are very happy together. I'll go pick up my last day's check and head back to what I do best. That's right, Ridley. Being a cheese. I'm not ashamed of what I am.
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