Let me see that label.

Let’s see here, some stuff about sulfites, the usual pregnant lady warning, holy cow, you weren’t kidding: “contains the blood of undead ghouls. Consumption may result in your metamorphosis into a bloodsucking demon able to subsist only by draining the life essence of other living creatures.” How the hell did that get past the FDA?

Well maybe that’s just the 2007 Dracula Syrah. Look at the others. No, the 2007 Trueblood Pinot Noir has it. The 2008 Vampire Cabernet Sauvignon has the same warning, too. Ditto the 2009 Vampire Merlot. What is WRONG with these people? Gary, I am terribly sorry. I bought these thinking they’d be a neat conversation starter for your Halloween party; I had no idea this winery was actually staffed by and devoted to expanding the ranks of vampires.

I don’t know! I don’t know how this happens! Honestly, I was looking forward to some well-crafted wines with depth, well-suited to pairing with food or enjoying alone. Now I can’t even enjoy the dark fruit flavors without worrying I’ll somehow be contaminated with an undead plague and forced into an eternal life slaving to the insatiable thirst for blood.

I know, I know, I should’ve learned my lesson after last year’s “Zombie Zinfandel” escapade.

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