Dear Woothouse Forum,

I know this letter will sound unbelievable, but I assure you every word here is true. I live in a small town in north-central California with my wife, a Twisted Oak 2005 Calaveras County Grenache. With her large, well-developed berries, her voluptuous aromas of strawberry and spice, and her seductive berry and cherry flavors, she’s known to make mouths water in our little town. If only they knew how wild she can be behind closed doors!

It was hot that fateful afternoon. My wife and I were on the patio, lounging in the sun after a leisurely lunch of roasted chicken, when we heard a moving van pull up out front. We peered over the fence at our new neighbor. Even all the way across the yard, we could catch hints of her vanilla, cinnamon, and clove aromas. We knew we had to do something special to welcome this temptress to the neighborhood.

We introduced ourselves and asked if we could give her a hand with anything. She said her name was Twisted Oak 2005 Calaveras County Tempranillo, and yes, could we help her with something in her wine cellar? I was already tingling with anticipation watching her well-rounded, flavorful body straining against the confines of her bottle. I could tell my wife was just as excited.

On the way, our new neighbor told us about the awards she’d won, including silver medals at the 2008 Riverside International Wine Competition and the 2007 California State Fair. I could believe every word of it. When we got down to the cellar, I asked what she needed help lifting. She said “my cork”, and handed me a corkscrew. I undressed her and inhaled a deep, pleasurable lungful of her spicy, primal musk. But just then, we were interrupted by the sound of footsteps.

“Oh, here you are.” The voice and the footsteps belonged to a tall, dark stranger with the leathery good looks of a rancher. I thought I could detect hints of Mourvedre, Syrah, and Grenache in his bright boysenberry and raspberry flavors.

“This is my husband,” Tempranillo told us. “You can call him Twisted Oak 2005 Calaveras County * % # & @ !. Do you guys think it’d be OK if he stayed?” My wife nodded eagerly, so I said “Please do.” Then we got down to the business of welcoming our new neighbors in the most intimate ways we could think of.

I don’t know how many hours we stayed down there. The whole time is a blur of tongues and noses, of peaks of ecstasy following one after the other, of pure sublime sensuality. We explored every possibility, every thrilling combination. And afterwards, when I looked around the room, now stained by splashes of red wine and littered with bits of aluminum foil and cork, well…let’s just say I was amazed that we hadn’t broken any glass.

Signed,
Wine Lover

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