This 2009 Sextant Chardonnay isn’t just a delicious wine, it’s also an invaluable navigational aid.
These days, in the era of Google Maps and handheld GPS devices, most people appreciate Sextant’s Chardonnay for its fine qualities as a libation. You know, honeydew melon aromas, the subtle flavor of butter cream finishing the crisp citrus elements on the palate, that sort of thing. But once there was a time when bottles just like these helped sailors navigate the uncharted seas!
It’s a dying art, but by mastering a few simple techniques, you too can use your own bottles of Sextant Chardonnay to find and keep your bearings. Perfecting these skills can mean the difference between life and death! Or at least comfort and less comfort.
The first and most basic method is to orient the bottle such that its punt faces directly south. Just like that, your Sextant Chardonnay bottle has become a rudimentary compass, with its neck pointing due north! Handy! Look through the bottom of the bottle like a telescope. Hard to see, right? Well, whatever that is you can’t quite make out, it’s north of you.
Another trick you can use is to lay the bottle on the floor and, with a quick, firm, flick of your wrist, set it to spinning on its side. Whatever direction it’s pointing once it has stopped turning, that’s where you’ll find the person you totally have to smooch. No, you have to, those are the rules.
Finally—and this is a somewhat more advanced use of the Sextant, not recommended for novices—you can pour the contents of one whole bottle out into as many glasses as required. Share these around with anyone (of legal drinking age) who happens to be present. Upon your very first sip of the wine, you’ll discover you are no longer lost, but find yourself instead exactly where you most want to be.
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