Special Brick and Special Agent Mortar in: California Doubling
Of all the Californian Gewürztraminer's on all the websites in all the word, you lucked into this one.
Special Agent Brick and Special Agent Mortar came in through the skylight. The security team was quick to respond, but they were no match for Brick & Mortar; they’d been through worse. Tommy Packaday, the chain smoking Chicago hitman. Liza Swan, renegade double agent. The Dragon Lady Assassin Society of Tokyo. Those four hundred increasingly inept ninjas. Brick and Mortar had seen it all, and no matter how good this Berlin security team was, they were no match for Brick and Mortar.
The agents finished off their opposition with some hearty laughter and a few one liners, and made for the vault. Intelligence gathered led them to believe this was the secret base of the Post-Nazi Alliance of Evil Stock Characters, and what they’d come for was surely kept in Baron Von Badperson’s vault.
They stormed the vault, and skillfully defeated Von Badperson’s deadly cadre of Slightly Offensive Ethnic Stereotypes. With Von Badperson at their mercy, Brick proceeded with the interrogation.
“Where is the Gewürztraminer?!”
Von Badperson was confused. “What?”
“2008 Pacific Wine Works Gewürztraminer. The finest Gewürztraminer in all the land, with sweet fruit characters, and notes of sweet pear and pineapple. Brick wants a real home-run bottle for his six month anniversary with Natalya Notatraitor next week, and we figured if anybody would have stolen excellent German wine, it’d be you,” Mortar helpfully explained.
“Mine friends, there has been a grave misunderstanding! While it’s true that I have stolen many a fine German Gewürztraminer, I do not have the bottle you speak of. It is not even German, for you see that particular vintage was farmed, harvested, and bottled off the North Coast of California. Even my best Post-Nazi wine scientists are unable to duplicate its splendor!”
The two agents looked at each other, and after a quick Google search, verified his claims.
“So this whole trip was just a big misunderstanding,” Brick grunted.
“Yeah, who’d have thought Gewürztraminer would be from California?” Mortar replied, and the two friends chuckled. Baron Von Badperson contributed a good-natured giggle of his own.
“So… I’m free to go, then?” he asked hopefully.
“Oh, no, you just confessed to stealing a bunch of other wine. We’re throwing you in the deepest, darkest pit we’ve got.”
And then Baron Von Badperson made a frowny face.
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