It’s time to get dirty, baby. Yeah. That’s right. Dirty. Awww, yeah. We’re pottin’ those plants.

Oh, hang on, we’re supposed to be at your mother’s for dinner in an hour, baby. We don’t have time to keep getting dirty. Awwww, no. We gotta get clean. You and me, cleaning up. Awwwww, yeah.

Good thing I brought a Barry White cd and a Napa Soap Company Sample Pack. Yeah, you dim the lights. Awwww, yeah. I’ll open up this Cabernet Soapignon bar. Mmmm. Smell those berries? No, Berries, not Barrys. I don’t know how Barry White would smell but probably not like something made from grapeseed oil, coconut, palm and sweet almond oils, cocoa butter and red wine. He probably has a cologne or something. Oh, hang on, Wikipedia says he’s dead. Man, that can’t smell nice at all, baby. Awwww, no.

What’s that, baby? You ain’t had enough? Want to get even more clean? Yeah, that’s why we get along, baby. Well, take a look at this. The Soapignon Blanc. Grapeseed oil, olive, avocado and sunflower oils, and a little does of white wine. They say it smells “citrusy peach”, baby. And this white, you don’t have to chill. Awwwww yeahhhh.

You ain’t satisfied yet? Baby, you a freak! A clean freak! All that washing’s gonna give you dry hands! Here, take some of this Grapefruit Pomegranate Grapeseed Oil Lotion. Awww, yeah, take it all. Right out of my 8oz glass bottle. Yeah, baby. Aloe, rose, oatstraw, willowbark, neem- that’s right, baby, we got some neem all up in here. Awwww, yeah. You so moisturized, baby, you could be Aquaman.

Well, I mean, he’s always in the ocean and- I don’t know, maybe Atlanteans are adapted to the salt there- okay, you know what? You’ve totally just killed the mood here. Yeah, fine, my fault, whatever. Aquaman is totally hot. Okay, fine, clean time is over. Let’s just get ready.

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