"Harold, we appreciate what you do here at WineFancy Magazine, but we need to talk about your wine reviews."
"What do you mean, Kevin? What's the problem?"
"Well, your word selections are ... not always prudent."
"Listen, Kevin. If there's anything I know in this world, it's how to talk to people about wine."
"Here's an excerpt from your latest review: 'Featured a bready mouthfeel with an eggy undertow'."
"I thought it might be obvious, but we tend to stay away from words like 'eggy.' And 'undertow' just doesn't seem applicable here at all."
"Fine. What about my review from Thursday? I thought that was exactly what our readership is looking for."
"Let's see ... You wrote: 'Hints of Freon, reminiscent of childhood'."
"There you go. Totally relatable."
"You also wrote: 'On the nose: Python moltings enhanced aggressively with durian and cabbage'."
"Again, I know my audience."
"Not only are you fired, Harold, but I am deeply concerned that you're biologically incapable of identifying aromas and flavors."
"I did destroy my olfactory receptors during my hometown's 35th Annual Triscuit Insufflation Competition. In hindsight, perhaps I should have mentioned that during my interview. That one's on me."
Back to top