Six bottles of Five Friends Sauvignon Blanc. How does that math even work?
Remember when you were a kid (or maybe when your parents were kids) and you picked up a copy of Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five... and noticed there were seven guys on the cover? "Who's that other guy?" you (or your parents) might have said.
That's the feeling you might get staring at these six bottles of 2008 Five Friends Sauvignon Blanc. DON'T WORRY. We've figured out the best way to enjoy your six pack without falling prey to mathematical obsession.
STEP ONE: Gather your five friends. Shake their hands. Hug them, if desired. Explain to them that you'll be doing an experiment with a vibrant and lovely wine possessing a lean, crisp finish.
STEP TWO: Open one bottle and pour five test glasses. Don't be afraid to go to the rim. You've got plenty of wine left over, after all. Hand each glass to a friend and toast. "To friendship!" you'll say, or maybe "See you in Hell, Von Gunterklaus!" It all depends on the kind of friends you hang out with.
STEP THREE: Open a second bottle, and refill the glasses. Everyone should be amusingly tipsy at this point. Go stand beside your very best friend and begin to tell an embarrassing story about the newest member of the group. Possibly the time they made a mistake in grade school, or maybe something they told you in confidence. Nothing serious, just enough to break them down into tears. Laugh the laugh of power.
STEP FOUR: Open a third bottle as an apology. Pour some for your weeping friend first. Then go clockwise around the room, being sure to empty the bottle, but skipping your best friend. They'll look at you oddly, as though you are joking. Shrug politely.
STEP FIVE: Open a fourth bottle and see your best friend relax. Repeat step four. Your friend should be furious now. "Why don't I get that aromatic lift of passion fruit and zesty citrus flavor?" they'll be asking. Look mysteriously to the east and whisper "You know why." If you are not sure which direction is east, face the nearest window instead.
STEP SIX: At this stage, two people should be getting up to leave. Grab their arms and make them sit. Open the fifth bottle and demand that they share it, giving none to anyone else. Chaos will ensue. Yelling. Punching. Some things that can never be unsaid. The pack will break down. Everyone will start for the door. "You've changed, you know," the first might say. "I never want to see you again," another will offer. Before long, your party will be empty.
STEP SEVEN: Open the last bottle of 2008 Five Friends Sauvignon Blanc and enjoy it for yourself. See? So much more honest than just hiding it in the liquor cabinet and waiting until everyone leaves.
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