Don't even get him started about his boss ...
This BACtrack Alcohol Breathalyzer can save you from the sort of trouble only alcohol can cause, like waking up to lost memories and weird new body modifications.
Being a bartender, you see some crazy stuff. Like, there’s this guy in here sometimes, little guy, always really angry about something. He’s from Canada, and I guess they all have self-esteem issues up there because the guy never shuts up about how he’s “the best”. He never really explains it, of course, and if you ask he’ll just say “You don’t wanna know” and we’re like, oookay, guy, sure, secret government work, whatever. Of course, it’s a bar, so whatever, we all exaggerate. Normally, everybody just nods and moves on. But after a few beers, this guy’s like “What I do isn’t pretty and also let’s put a thousand dollars on a game of nine-ball” and, I mean, we’ve got some real pool players in here, you know? One guy makes a living at it! Of course, little guy’s gonna get schooled. But instead of paying, he gets all mad and starts yelling about repressed memories and invisible ninjas and his father or brother or whoever it is this week that’s trying to kill him, and then he leaps out a window and runs away screaming. But two weeks later, wouldn’t you know it? He’s back with a patch over one eye and swears he never made that bet, that it was somebody else.
So what I ended up doing, I bought a BACtrack Breathalyzer for the bar. Now, when our little friend starts mumbling about how he fought in World War Two and has a son with anger issues (gee, why would that be?) I can just toss the BACtrack at him and make him blow. The design doesn't require mouthpieces and there’s just one button to push, so it's super simple. And there's an easy-to-read display, which can be very helpful when you’re trying to convince an angry little guy he’s too drunk to be making bets tonight. And God help us if a redhead comes in the bar, you know? Can you believe the guy once spent an hour trying to convince this chick from Alaska that she was really a clone with false memories patterned after this other chick that was secretly in love with him from afar? I mean, you gotta give him credit for being original, but come on. What happened to “hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?”
I’m telling you, this BACtrack Breathalyzer is the greatest. Well, except for that pink hexagonal fella that I hired as a bouncer. I told him on day one, I don’t care what they say you did in the future, as long as you keep my bar safe, you’re all right with me.
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