Wine snobs can be cruel. Don’t let them turn that cruelty on you.

It’s an important dinner party. You’ve got the very best wine, at the perfect temperature. But when you go to open it, all your guests start to laugh. It starts as a titter. Then a guffaw. Then the harsh, cruel, 80s-style condemnation laughter that generally only happens in a dream. And as you run out into the snow, tears streaming down your face, howling “Why? Whyyyy?” and knowing you’ll never again have a place in high society, you’ll wish you had just spent a few more bucks on a decent corkscrew.

Like this Metrokane Leather-Bound VIP Edition Rabbit Corkscrew. When you pull out the “trophy case”, with polished chrome and genuine leather, you’ll be just ostentatious enough to send a message to your guests that says “Hey, I’m one of you!” And then the die-cast metal body with chrome finish will sparkle in the light for the three seconds it takes you to open your bottle. That’s right, three seconds. That’s the power of ergonomic design, working for you. And won’t those leather grip pads feel comfortable against your fingers?

When your guests hear that the Rabbit has won awards from Business Week, the Industrial Designer’s Society of America, and the Chicago Athenaeum Museum, and has an additional ten year manufacturer’s warranty. they’ll know they can trust you to open even the finest wines. And you won’t hear laughter then. You’ll hear applause. Sweet, sweet applause.

Don’t leave yourself no choice but to die in the snow covered with nothing but your own frozen tears and the shame of a cheap plastic corkscrew you bought at the gas station. Get a Leather-Bound VIP Edition Corkscrew. Get the Rabbit.

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