Woot Cellars Pinkie Swear (6)

by wootbot

An Annus Pink

Ah, yes, 2012 was one of the rarest and most obscure years in the history of mankind. You probably don't remember what happened. Here's a recap:

  • There was Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee, a celebration of her 60 years acting as the equivalent of Cincinnati's Mr. Red.
  • Lonesome George, a Pinta Island Tortoise, died. He was the last of his species. Merry Christmas!
  • Felix Baumgartner fell out of a spacecraft because he really likes Red Bull.
  • Scientists created the first bionic melon.
  • Every Canadian child born in June was named "Orange."
  • An historic summit saw the first step in trade agreements between rats and squirrels.
  • Cake became an accepted, quantifiable emotion.
  • Kansas seceded from the United States. When pressed by federal administrators for explanation, the governor said, "You guys are so lame."
  • Black market hat trafficking reached an alarming high. Musicians performed in April to raise awareness about the issue with "Hat Aid."
  • A new superbug emerged as the latest health threat. "Clam blindness" continues to plague populations across the globe.