Let's just say that some reserves are a little more private than others. There's no shame in it.
"Whatcha got there?"
This? It's a bottle of Salexis.
"Oh, man. I'm sorry. I didn't know you had that problem."
Problem? What problem? I don't have a problem.
"You don't have to be embarrassed. It's just something that happens sometimes."
What are you even talking about?
"Really. It's totally not a big deal. A lot of older men have issues … you know … down there."
First off, I'm 29. Secondly, the only "issue" I have is that you're a total idiot. It's WINE.
"Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm. So, has this bottle of "wine" been approved by the FDA? I wouldn't want you taking, I mean DRINKING, something that could be harmful."
Again, it's wine. And it's not harmful. It's delicious.
"Let's just read the label here, shall we? The 2006 Napa Valley Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon exhibits the aromas and flavors of black berries, raspberries, currants, cedar and chocolate. I must say, that's pretty clever."
How is that clever?
"Well, you know. Just how they disguise this as a bottle of wine."
It IS a bottle of wine!
"It also says that it's surrounded by toasty French oak. Ha! So THAT'S what the kids are calling it nowadays."
Give that to me. You are ridiculous.
"Ahh ahh! Not so fast, Grabby Grabberson. I need to make sure it's safe for consumption. Plus, I have a date in about an hour so … it even tastes just like wine!"
That's because it is wine.
"I could sneak in a hit at dinner and she'd never even know! Genius!"
Not even close.
"So, have you ever had it last more than four hours? Cuz I've heard that can happen."