Durif I were a rich man...
"Yes, little Durif?"
"Where did I come from?"
"Well, Durif, when a Frenchman loves a Peloursin vine very much, he starts feeling a little experimental and unwittingly takes it upon himself to merge the Peloursin with other grapes.
... Then, about one hundred years later, Peloursin will make an appearance on an American daytime TV talk show and get in a shouting match with throngs of unemployed urchins about your real pollen source: Your REAL daddy.
... But some nice scientists - who, by the way, had cunningly convinced a pretty prestigious university to dedicate loads of funding to wine studies - these very smart scientists will conduct a genuine DNA paternity analysis to determine who your daddy actually is."
"My real daddy? Who is it, mama? Who is it?!"
"It's Syrah, my sweet petite Durif! It's Syrah!"
"Oh! This is the happiest day of my life!"
"It's probably also a pretty happy day for the person who shall tell our tale to an e-commerce site, little Durif, because by sheer coincidence, her relative is a professor at that prestigious university and works in that aforementioned department of clever scientists, so she can give a shoutout to her uncle David at UC Davis."