Stare Upon Our Wines
Library? More like WINE-brary! Look, don't get all grumpy, you were thinking it too.
All that aside... wine drinkers are a rare breed, aren't they? On the one hand, they enjoy the taste and flavors of a variety of wines. On the other hand, they generally despise the taste and flavors of an entirely different variety of wines. How can you keep the two lists apart? How can you make ALL wine drinkers happy?
Pffft. That pipe dream will never happen. The closest we can get is an endless parade of wine. Hopefully, something you like will show up before you storm off in anger, cursing our name and demanding that we're pressed into service with the consortium of Wine Pirates that secretly sale the Nine Seas.
Oh, you didn't know about the two secret seas? Gee. Forget we said anything about them, then. Guess they're only for the COOL people.