Trust me, Petey, if we play a little Sarah McLachlan under this thing, there won't be a dry eye in the house.
Halloween. For some, it's the best holiday of the year, full of spooky thrills, cackling laughter, and delightful frights. For other, more mythological creatures, it is time spent huddled in terror, away for the shining eyes of human children the world over. But, with your help, we can end that suffering.
Once upon a time, Halloween was the one night where monsters and children alike could come together in harmony and enjoy a good scare. But times have changed, and not for the better.
Every Fall, witches and warlocks in haunted forests everywhere are taken from their gingerbread homes, their hair harvested and their warts removed. Trolls are dragged from under their bridges, gremlins are plucked from their hidey holes, and ogres are hunted, all for what? So that their skin, hair, eyes, and organs can be collected and placed in shoeboxes for small costumed children to fondle for their own enjoyment?
Who will stand up for these creatures? Who will look into the sad eyes of a werewolf or cat person and say, "You don't have to suffer anymore."
So please, this Halloween, consider planning a party where senseless cruelty towards monsters is not on the guest list. Use over-cooked spaghetti for your feelie box of gremlin guts. Use olives instead of real ogre eyeballs, raisins instead of witch's warts, and a small damp sponge in place of actual troll brain.
And when it comes to the dead, clumpy skin of a mummy or zombie, why not crumble up some Point Reyes Blue Cheese? Not only have the good people at Farmstead Cheese Company formulated the perfect all-natural, non-supernatural replacement, but it's kosher, gluten-free, and its creamy layers of full flavor made from raw milk and vegetarian rennet will provide a great snack to enjoy before bobbing for apples, all without hurting some poor defenseless creature of the night.
Halloween should be for everyone: human, monster, ghoul, and ghost. This year, let's put the CARE back in the SCARE.
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