"Harold, I'm going to be completely honest with you: I gave you a second chance here at WineFancy because your sister owns our publication company."

"I know, Dave. I really appreciate it, and I think the readers are delighted, too!"

"No, Harold. No, quite the opposite. Once again, your 'unique' terminology has led to a whole bevy of complaints."

"Ugh, are you kidding? What are those troglodytes griping about now?"

"First, they seem to take issue with your description of a Cab Sauv as 'reminiscent of puppy kibble'."

"Not seeing a problem."

"Well, as I mentioned previously, it's unhelpful to draw comparisons that MOST people won't relate to. Also - and I swear I thought this was common knowledge - we try to aim for more appetizing descriptions."

"Have you ever had kibble, Dave? It's come a long way over the years."

"Ugh. Alright, so in another review, you mentioned that the wine was 'like a mouthful of dry cleaning solvent, with car-floor pizza crust on the finish'."

"They always say 'write what you know'!"

"Harold, you're either the Forrest Gump or Heston Blumenthal of this organization. I'm just not sure which."

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