Those fat cat dessert wine drinkers didn’t get fat by mistake, you know.

Look, we all know the “power elite” doesn’t care about average joes like you and me. We all know that the congresspeople and senators the presidents and the kings and queens, they have their own things goin’ on. As far as they’re concerned, we’re just one more resource to exploit. But you gotta give it to them, they sure know how to live.

So when we heard that the Hunt Country Vineyards Estate Bottled Finger Lakes 3 Pack is from the vineyard that brings ice wine to the White House and the United Nations, we knew we had a winner. Let’s face it, the dark forces looking to crush our freedoms absolutely aren’t going to be drinking something that tastes bad. You don’t get a second chance with these people. Ask Ray McGovern. You give them bad wine, you’re o-u-t, out!

Now, give them something like the Hunt Country Vineyards Estate Bottled Finger Lakes 3 Pack and… well, that sort of thing, it opens doors. Just imagine waking up in the middle of the night to see a shadowed figure smoking at the end of your bed. They liked the two bottles of 2007 Late Harvest Vignoles, the mysterious agent whispers. That carefully controlled cold fermentation really created a seductively sweet white wine with hints of fresh citrus and exotic fruits. “Yes, it's from a label that’s won 15 Gold Medals since 1994,” you answer back with fear in your voice, and his cruel smile reflects in the moonlight. It was ideal for the cherry tart, my friend. You will be rewarded. Don’t try to find me. This was all a dream. And then, gone, like a Batman made of smoke. But the next morning, there’s a bank error in your favor, and that loan goes through at a far more reasonable rate. And for the rest of your life, every vending machine drops an extra candy bar.

And what about the 2007 Vidal Blanc Ice Wine? Pair it with cheesecake, or maybe caramel chocolate mousse, and have a little party. Your guests will be delighted, but then one of them will give you a strange look. Later, by the fireplace, he’ll take you aside and ask if you know “Rodrigo”. You’ll say no, he’ll sigh, then he’ll say he has no choice but to include you anyway, since you clearly just know too much. The next morning? You’ll wake up in some six star hotel on the edge of the moon, in a suite generally reserved for heads of state and famous people. A hotel kept secret from the riff-raff rabble of which you used to be a part.

Dessert is a sign of good breeding, a sign that you always have more than you need. The Hunt Country Vineyards Estate Bottled Finger Lakes 3 Pack forms a companion to that sign, and just owning these bottles will lift you to another level. Up there, everybody knows their wines.

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