It's all fun and games until someone loses an appendage.

Of all the little devils, Diablita Blanca is by far my favorite. She's a beguiling blonde who looks absolutely radiant in fine crystal stemware. But don't make the mistake of thinking this delicately perfumed beauty is a pushover. No, Sir. She's bright, fresh and she'll leave a sparkle on your tongue. And if the mood strikes, she might also succeed in convincing you to burn down your boss's house. What can I say, she's persuasive.

I remember this one time, I was trying to decide between taking a walk along the beach at sunset or stealing a car. The little angel on my right shoulder was campaigning for the beach walk, of course. But then Diablita Blanca punched her in the face and taught me to hotwire a Mercedes. Man, that was a great night.

She might sound like she's nothing but trouble, but Diablita Blanca is actually very thoughtful. Like the time I happened upon a woman clinging to a tree branch after being swept away by a flash flood. I was just about to dive in after her when Diablita Blanca reminded me that I was wearing my new Italian leather boots. Whew! That could have been a disaster.

Anyway, if you ever get the chance to hang with her, you totally should. I'd suggest making her a nice dinner at home, maybe some chicken marsala or seasoned shrimp kebabs. Whatever you do, though, DO NOT try to get away with just reheating some leftover pizza. You see this stump where my pinky used to be? Yeah. I won't ever make that mistake again.

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