Any kid on the block will tell you, if you lose your ball in the Crazy Wine Lady’s yard, don’t go after it.

“No way. I’ve heard she never goes outside because her skin will catch fire. Instead, she just stands at the window stroking one of her six bottles of 2009 Copa Del Rey Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon or something. I can get another ball.” – Billy Jones, age 9

“My older brother told me never to walk in front of her house. If you do and you start to smell cocoa, toasty oak, nutmeg and vanilla, run as fast as you can, ‘cause that means she’s about to snatch you up! That’s how the exchange student's best friend’s cousin’s best friend said he disappeared, no lie.” – Jake Houser, age 10

“My dad says she’s just really sad and lonely since her husband passed away. They were big wine ‘conny sewers’ or whatever he called them, and the last wine they drank together was the one she’s always carrying around. He said he guesses the bold red cherry and berry fruit flavors remind her of him. Then he made me go up to her door and apologize for setting a bag of dog poop on fire outside her door. She’s not so scary when she smiles.” – Abby Dunn, age 9

“I’ve heard she sold her soul to the devil and makes the wine herself out of the blood of homeless orphans! Oh yeah, and she only ever drinks a bottle with spiced fresh seafood or savory grilled meats – grilled KID meats!” – Spencer Myers, age 8

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