Historians say the first wine ever produced was a Rosé. Here's what probably happened, according to definitely real scholars.

Some ancient Greeks were hanging out eating a pretty zesty curry, and then Autocrates was all, "Verily dude, one would give his toga for a beverage with nice acidity and a bright finish. One also would enjoy a libation that makes one feel much more intelligent than one actually is. Euclid! Ticidas! What shall we do to quell this figurative and literal thirst?"

And Euclid was like, "I dunno. I'm really what you'd call a 'numbers guy'. But what if we stomped all over something to retrieve its delicious liquids?"

"I like where this is going," Autocrates replied.

"Yeah, we could stomp all over - "

"NUDITY!" Exclaimed Ticidas, a noted erotic poet with nothing useful to contribute.

"Too abstract. What about beans?" Euclid offered. "Do we have beans? Do we know what beans are? What year is it?" Euclid, like the, uh, scholars, was confused about the chronology of Greco-legume history.

"This is getting way too complicated. I'm parched." Autocrates sighed. "Why don't I crack open this bottle of Coordinates Rosé of Cab while we sort this out?"

"That sounds delicious," Euclid said, "You grab it from the Vinotemp and I'll go get the Rabbit."

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