When entertaining guests, remember: C.G. Di Arie is appropriate. GG Allin is not.

When planning a perfect soiree it’s important to keep track of even the most minute details, and even the slightest momentary lack of concentration can cause an embarrassing social faux pas. So we wanted to take a minute to clarify the difference between this C.G. Di Arie 2006 Zinfandel Shenandoah Valley 4-Pack and legendary underground hardcore frontman GG Allin. One of them is perfectly acceptable to present to party guests. The other is not. Follow these simple tips to avoid confusing the two.

C.G. Di Arie Vineyard and Winery was founded in 2001 by Dr. Chaim Gur-Arieh, a food scientist who also invented Cap’n Crunch cereal, Hidden Valley Ranch salad dressing, and Pudding Cups. GG Allin was born to a fanatical and abusive Christian zealot who literally named his son “Jesus Christ Allin.”

C.G. Di Arie’s Zinfandel has an amazing nose, bursting with aromas of dark berries and wild herbs with subtle signs of black pepper weaved in and around. GG Allin bathed so infrequently and smelled so bad that his odor literally offended the sensibilities of serial killer John Wayne Gacy, whom he visited in prison several times.

When it comes to taste, C.G. Di Arie is hard to surpass: after aging in French oak barrels for 14 months, it has supremely layered flavors of fresh blackberry and wild strawberry, with a long, lasting finish of dark fruit and dark chocolate. It stands just as proudly on its own as it would paired with a terrific meal. GG Allin’s taste, on the other hand, resulted in him taking laxatives before shows so as to defecate on the stage and hurl it at the audience.

Remember this helpful mnemonic device: “Zin is a win, Allin is a sin,” and you’re sure to have a smashing wine tasting party!

If you’re going more for a “riotous celebration of individualism, drugs, excess, and anarchy,” though, you might want to go with GG.

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