"I like it looser because then I can shake it. When it's tight like this I feel like I'm being strangled!"

jqubed wrote:teh moar u no!

That used to bother me, but I was too lazy to research it.

"That's why they call me 'The Hammer!'"

"Usually I just get on my hands and knees and clean it up when I'm done."

"You can't get him to do anything he doesn't want to do, but you can learn a lot from him."

"I don't care if I weigh 300 pounds, as long as I can fit into a size 8."

"Oops! My shirt just popped open!"

"I sure wouldn't mind being sexually harassed around here every once in a while!"

"First, I smell it, then I want to see it, then I want to taste it."

"I tried pulling it out this morning, but it got stuck."

'I had a really good story about old people, because my neighbor just died and he was really old.'

"I'm surprised at how petite you are that you have such a nice ass!"

"The weather is so nice outside today, it makes me want to go out for a nice jog.

Too bad I can't friggin' jog."

Quite loudly:

"So I'm a prostitute! I even pushed my brother into it. I told them I'd get him to do it for them and they could give me a bunch of money to keep working - oh I mean I'm a pimp, not a prostitute."

Damien: "Hey, Kenny, have you ever watched that movie Office Space?"

Me: "Only every Monday for three years back when I hated my job."

Damien: "Come over here and tell me if you recognize this song."

Me: "Is it, 'Damn, it Feels Good to be a Gangster?'"

Damien: "It sure is!"

Both: "hahahahehehahehahaheheheh!!"

"Just rub the vaseline on your ear, or wherever..."

"I don't understand how it can be a tight fit and then suddenly it becomes all loose..."

"It's because all the wiggling and tugging when you pull it out, it wears it out over time."

"Tom Cruise's cousin's face is about to be mass-tweeted."

"Are you in the dark hole over there? I wanna go in the dark hole..."

"One thing I don't want to do is stick my hand up in that thing. Once it gets stuck at the elbow, I'll be greatly disappointed."