dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

czardastx wrote:So she says to the guy, "How about sex for lunch?"

He says "Hell Yeah!!!"

Really, what guy wouldn't trade sex for food? It's a win-win proposition.



Unless you are David Letterman

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

Iceback


quality posts: 0 Private Messages Iceback
PemberDucky wrote:Resident vegan sneers at co-worker's ramen. Co-worker responds:
You live on toothpicks and tofu. Come talk to me about food when you eat something other than toothpicks and f***ing tofu.



Ya gotta admit he has a good point!

In the end only kindness matters

SkekTek


quality posts: 17 Private Messages SkekTek

"Don't tell me you just picked that up and ate it?"

Moondragon


quality posts: 8 Private Messages Moondragon

"It's stuck on the roof again?"

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

A man, yelling out the window of his car at a young girl (early 20's)

"Why don't you go get something to eat? Yeah, some food.
Then he mumbled to himself as he passed me "F..kin anorexic.


The odd thing is, she was thin, but not totally skinny.

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

SkekTek


quality posts: 17 Private Messages SkekTek

Student turned in her short answer section of an exam today- worth 36 points. Not a word on it but her name: "I don't do well with open-ended questions. Sorry".

Welcome to College. Prolly not going to be for long, though...

jqubed


quality posts: 7 Private Messages jqubed
SkekTek wrote:Student turned in her short answer section of an exam today- worth 36 points. Not a word on it but her name: "I don't do well with open-ended questions. Sorry".

Welcome to College. Prolly not going to be for long, though...



wow

ⅉℚ Seventh Annual Woot! Bracketology | I'm Quality Peoples!

Skye — 1997-2007

PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

Co-worker 1: "How is this lady even on the phone with me? She says she's Amish."
Co-worker 2: "How do you know she's not Amish? I'm Amish."
Co-worker 1: "I'm going to punch you in your Amish eye."


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

SkekTek


quality posts: 17 Private Messages SkekTek
jqubed wrote:wow



No kidding. Turns out she's attended one class out of 6. No wonder...

Today, our network went down for about 5 minutes. I'm in a lab where it's not a problem, but there's a class next door. I see the network unavailable pop up on the computer that's on in the room. From next door I hear: "SHlT!!!" And the class laugh. Someone was running PowerPoint off his network drive... LOL

PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

Co-worker #1 (to Co-worker #2): Hold on, I'm going to make it rain on you.
Proceeds to sprinkle a handful of pennies on Co-worker #2.
Co-worker #2: Wha...Hey!

Co-worker #3: I've got a couple of dimes!


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

SkekTek


quality posts: 17 Private Messages SkekTek

Three kids come out of a classroom today, one singing the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song and all three acting like the banana. Weird.

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman

Not exactly in the office, but . . .

. . . went to use the restroom and as soon as I walked in I heard stall #1 occupant hurriedly whisper, "I'll call you right back!"
Then followed a flurry of toilet paper rolling sounds and newspaper page turning.

I wondered if I had interrupted a session of "office restroom phone sex!!!"

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

arcsus


quality posts: 4 Private Messages arcsus

I just overheard this conversation:

First guy: Why doesn't your keyboard have a Caps Lock light?

Second guy: It does...it's called the shift key.

First guy: What?? Oh...No no, not like a "diet" Caps Lock. I mean like a light that comes on to tell you when the Caps Lock is on.

Second guy: Oh.

lplady


quality posts: 2 Private Messages lplady

Water Dept. came hours ago and started digging up the street.

about ten minutes ago...

Supervisor drives up, gets out, says "What are you doing"

Worker 1: "digging"

Supervisor: You're on the right street, wrong hundred block. It's four blocks down.

Worker 1: "What do we do now?"

Workers 2,3,4: start laughing

Supervisor: "You go down to the other block and do your job"

Worker 1: "What about the hole here"

Supervisor: "Don't worry about it. We're not suppose to be working here anyway"

jqubed


quality posts: 7 Private Messages jqubed
lplady wrote:Water Dept. came hours ago and started digging up the street.

about ten minutes ago...

Supervisor drives up, gets out, says "What are you doing"

Worker 1: "digging"

Supervisor: You're on the right street, wrong hundred block. It's four blocks down.

Worker 1: "What do we do now?"

Workers 2,3,4: start laughing

Supervisor: "You go down to the other block and do your job"

Worker 1: "What about the hole here"

Supervisor: "Don't worry about it. We're not suppose to be working here anyway"



glad I'm not on your street!

ⅉℚ Seventh Annual Woot! Bracketology | I'm Quality Peoples!

Skye — 1997-2007

SkekTek


quality posts: 17 Private Messages SkekTek
jqubed wrote:glad I'm not on your street!



From one of the chem labs.

CRASH!

Student 1: Whoa... it's eating into the tile.

Student 2: Uhm... Help?

lplady


quality posts: 2 Private Messages lplady
jqubed wrote:glad I'm not on your street!



Thankfully not my street. I was over a friends about 5 minutes away when this occurred. After it was said a bunch of yelling (truck driver yelling) was going on, so I came home.

jqubed


quality posts: 7 Private Messages jqubed
SkekTek wrote:From one of the chem labs.

CRASH!

Student 1: Whoa... it's eating into the tile.

Student 2: Uhm... Help?



that's awesome! how do you stop it?!

ⅉℚ Seventh Annual Woot! Bracketology | I'm Quality Peoples!

Skye — 1997-2007

jqubed


quality posts: 7 Private Messages jqubed
lplady wrote:Thankfully not my street. I was over a friends about 5 minutes away when this occurred. After it was said a bunch of yelling (truck driver yelling) was going on, so I came home.



heh

ⅉℚ Seventh Annual Woot! Bracketology | I'm Quality Peoples!

Skye — 1997-2007

dontwantaname


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dontwantaname

Volunteer Moderator

jqubed wrote:that's awesome! how do you stop it?!



I'm wondering if it has eaten down to the floor below yet.
Plus, is the floor below Skek's office?
Now, that would be funny!

Unless it dripped into the goldfish tank. That would be tragic.

WE LURV YOU TOO! Dork!!!
No greater love is lost than that not shared.

PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

"I don't understand how you think. There's something wrong with the pieces of things in your head."


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

"If I come across ten thousand dollars, I'm bringing in a whole lotta boxes of Capri Sun for everybody."


Definitely got the "S" down for that SMART goal, I say.


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

jqubed


quality posts: 7 Private Messages jqubed
PemberDucky wrote:"If I come across ten thousand dollars, I'm bringing in a whole lotta boxes of Capri Sun for everybody."


Definitely got the "S" down for that SMART goal, I say.



but it doesn't even come in boxes!

ⅉℚ Seventh Annual Woot! Bracketology | I'm Quality Peoples!

Skye — 1997-2007

Turken


quality posts: 5 Private Messages Turken
jqubed wrote:but it doesn't even come in boxes!



well, actually the pouches come together in a box.

BTW, Just wondering P'ducky what you do for a living that you have such... interesting... co-workers.


PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

jqubed wrote:but it doesn't even come in boxes!



Yeah, I believe he was dreaming big. Boxes hold many pouches.

Turken wrote:well, actually the pouches come together in a box.

BTW, Just wondering P'ducky what you do for a living that you have such... interesting... co-workers.



I'm a freelance dolphin wrangler.


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

pooflady


quality posts: 20 Private Messages pooflady
PemberDucky wrote:I'm a freelance dolphin wrangler.



Well, that explains it!

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 499 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

PemberDucky wrote:I'm a freelance dolphin wrangler.

in the desert.

Makes sense to me.

Gatzby


quality posts: 43 Private Messages Gatzby
DA59 wrote:in the desert.

Makes sense to me.



They require a lot more wrangling in the desert, what with their always trying to get back to the ocean.

Did you know shirt.woot ships internationally? Get you some!
Why do my posts always get deleted? -- Noise Reduction -- Try it in podcast format.
No, you can't have our iPod, keys, or Lego. Sorry.

mwiseman


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mwiseman

Office idi0t:
"Hey, this is Mike and I'm on vacation this week. I woke up sick this morning and I want to count this as a sick day."

HR rep:
*sigh*

mwiseman


quality posts: 0 Private Messages mwiseman
PemberDucky wrote:I'm a freelance dolphin wrangler.



Yeah, I've seen "Cops" episodes shot in Vegas. That's street code. You naughty ummm..."girl".

PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

In the pub last night:
"It takes, like, half a bottle of Wild Turkey to get me anywhere."

That's a problem.


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

Gatzby wrote:They require a lot more wrangling in the desert, what with their always trying to get back to the ocean.



The more they struggle, the harder they make it on themselves.

mwiseman wrote:Yeah, I've seen "Cops" episodes shot in Vegas. That's street code. You naughty ummm..."girl".



You uh...you wanna come visit my "corral?"
I'll let you call me Flipper.


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

jqubed


quality posts: 7 Private Messages jqubed
mwiseman wrote:Office idi0t:
"Hey, this is Mike and I'm on vacation this week. I woke up sick this morning and I want to count this as a sick day."

HR rep:
*sigh*



nice. maybe this is why sick time and vacation time are now one and the same for us...

ⅉℚ Seventh Annual Woot! Bracketology | I'm Quality Peoples!

Skye — 1997-2007

PemberDucky


quality posts: 39 Private Messages PemberDucky

Staff

Out of the blue, co-worker pulls out a bag of balloons and some kind of pump. He decides to demonstrate his balloon-sculpting skills and is making flowers and animals and stuff.

"Hey PemberDucky, would you like a balloon?"

"Nope! Don't want anything."

"You sure? I could make you a pair of handcuffs."


-----------------------------------------------
Not sure if you should post that? This slightly-nsfw-flowchart will help.

AZGman


quality posts: 3 Private Messages AZGman
PemberDucky wrote:Out of the blue, co-worker pulls out a bag of balloons and some kind of pump. He decides to demonstrate his balloon-sculpting skills and is making flowers and animals and stuff.

"Hey PemberDucky, would you like a balloon?"

"Nope! Don't want anything."

"You sure? I could make you a pair of handcuffs."


//chortle//

Grumpy 'til the day I die.

KtCallista


quality posts: 32 Private Messages KtCallista

*pick up phone after hearing it ring*

"uh yeah, I hate my life. . . ."

Me: "-Lab designation- this is -Me-"

Lady on phone: "oh, uh hello, did you hear me? I said I hate my life."

Me: "uh, okay, can I help you?"

Lady on phone: "Yeah I need to talk to whomever orders your printer supplies."

---The only person who ever calls our lab is my boss's boss, looking for my boss, everyone else here carries cell phones. I'm glad she didn't think I was the suicide support line, but boy, I don't think I want to work for that solicitation firm either!---

___________________________________________________________________
Paper Napkins on the Edge of Insanity

Thanks so much Secret Santa!!

ThunderThighs


quality posts: 499 Private Messages ThunderThighs

Staff

Not mine but it tickled me. From notalwaysright.com


Bugging Out
Police Department | Florida, USA


Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “If anyone calls about screaming coming from **** Road, disregard it. I just had a bug on me.” *click*

KikiinMud


quality posts: 1 Private Messages KikiinMud

"No, I'm serious, I'm really old now. I turned 22 a couple weeks ago."

Schrobblehead


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Schrobblehead

"There must be something wrong with his digestive tract, because when I walk into the bathroom stall after he's done there's something left behind and I always wonder how it gets there... at that angle."

I'm a Christmas Unicorn! In a uniform made of gold, with a billy-goat beard, and a sorcerer's shield, and mistletoe on my nose!

chris12345


quality posts: 25 Private Messages chris12345

[in a restaurant, loudly] Intercourse! [grand pause, then quieter but still loud enough to be heard from a few tables away] That's a word you shouldn't yell out.

Portions of this comment have been redacted.