ddeuddeg


quality posts: 25 Private Messages ddeuddeg
MarkDaSpark wrote:Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

And you called the one about the leather thong a groaner!

"Always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes the special occasion is that you've got a bottle of Champagne in the fridge". - Hester Browne


Ddeuddeg's Cheesecake Cookbook

joelsisk


quality posts: 7 Private Messages joelsisk

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.
Is something bothering you?'

'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'

'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little.
Relax and enjoy yourself.'

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'

'1955, ma'am.'

'Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!

I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.

Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'

rjquillin


quality posts: 164 Private Messages rjquillin

An old Woman was asked,
"At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get: Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

The wise one answered,
"Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."

CT

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.

The man agreed and said to the car, "Car, go and bring my children from school."

The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.

The car parked right in front of them and said, "These are your children sir".

In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbor's two sons.

The wife who was angry shouted at her husband, "Don't tell me all these are your children!"

The man asked her calmly, "Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?"


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________


I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order 100 Grand Bar

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming Anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks.

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says.. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "A nice Porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken?"

He declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm starving!"


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

ddeuddeg


quality posts: 25 Private Messages ddeuddeg
MarkDaSpark wrote:A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks.

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says.. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "A nice Porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken?"

He declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm starving!"

Whatever became of the "Clean but Interesting" theme? I'm not sure this is either.


"Always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes the special occasion is that you've got a bottle of Champagne in the fridge". - Hester Browne


Ddeuddeg's Cheesecake Cookbook

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark
ddeuddeg wrote:Whatever became of the "Clean but Interesting" theme? I'm not sure this is either.



I think that line disappeared a while back. However, what isn't clean about it? She wasn't helping him with his push-ups?


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

noslensj


quality posts: 41 Private Messages noslensj

Intructional reminders posted on a sign at a golf club:

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4, STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

5. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

6. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.

7. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

8. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

9. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE,
AND TEE OFF.

noslensj


quality posts: 41 Private Messages noslensj

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
...
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!

Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ... The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. .

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this...when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it!


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

noslensj


quality posts: 41 Private Messages noslensj

Dear Abby,

I never thought I would be writing to someone like you for advice. But I’ve got problems. I'm so stressed I can't think straight. I really need you to answer a question and help me make a very important decision.

The whole thing starts with my wife. For the last five or six months she’s frequently gone until after midnight. Often she claims to be working late; other times she says she’s out with her girlfriends. Sometimes on the weekend she says she needs to go to the office to do work, but before she leaves she puts on flirty clothes she's never worn with me, spends an hour doing her makeup carefully, and applies her nicest perfume. Since she’s a receptionist, I’m not sure why she needs to do all of that or even why she needs to go in to the office on the weekend when the office is closed and the phones are shut down.

Anyway, last Saturday one of her friends picked her up after dinner for one of those “girls nights”. Another weekend night spent alone, and I had enough. I was ready to confront her. I stayed up for her, waiting in the family room next to the front door where I could see the street in front of our house. Every time a car slowed down in front of our house I would check to see if it was her. Because there's a speed bump right by our driveway, I checked out a lot of cars.

Finally about 1:30 a.m. a black BMW driven by a man pulled up in front of the house. She was in the front seat, literally on top of the driver and where she could have been working the pedals herself - with her hands. She slowly disentangled herself. She lowered the vanity mirror in the visor and repaired her makeup and straightened her hair. When she got out of the car the breeze caught her blouse; it was totally unbuttoned and flew open, the tails flapping in the wind. Her bra was missing, and as she stood there virtually topless she looked back over her shoulder at the driver and giggled. The zipper on her skirt was down and her skirt was hanging half way off her hips. Need I say that she doesn’t own any flesh colored panties? Although I'm sure I saw her putting on stockings and a garter belt when she left earlier, she sure as heck wasn't wearing them now.

After straightening her clothes she started up the sidewalk to the front door. My golf bag was sitting near the door, and I crouched behind it as I got ready to confront her.

But then, as she was fumbling with her key in the lock I noticed there was a hairline crack in the shaft of my #3 wood.

So, Abby, here's my question. I know I can get a new wife, but I'm torn about the golf club. It's a favorite of mine; a present from my grandfather on my 16th birthday, which I've cherished and used for a lot longer than we've been married. Should I try to repair the club, or should I just get a new one?

/s/ Cracked Up in Connecticut.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.


Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person


And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

Life is too short...


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race
again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, So she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

noslensj


quality posts: 41 Private Messages noslensj

A joke that's actually clean! I don't warrant the interesting part, though.

*****

Subject: The Beginning

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy.

Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known.

He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

"YAHOO," said Abraham.

And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth....

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”

“Incredible,” said the man.

“That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life,” St. Peter informed him.

“Where’s Obama’s clock?”

“His clock is in Jesus’s office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”



To be honest, I've heard this one before, with Clinton. And probably Bush. But never more appropriately.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder.

The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses the day after the ad came out.

All from the same person.

-------------------------------


City Lady: Look at that bunch of cows.

Cowboy: No, herd.

City Lady: Heard of what?

Cowboy: Herd of cows.

City Lady: Sure, I've heard of cows!

Cowboy: No, a cow herd.

City Lady: What do I care what a cow heard? I've got no secrets from a cow!


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

Cesare


quality posts: 1549 Private Messages Cesare

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young blonde lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with Him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?'

'Look at these breasts; they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural.

I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.

I have a 28 inch waist.

Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....

'Outside,.... when you said you.......heard someone coming.......that was me......'

-il Cesare
Sole Absolute Triple
Exalted High Tastemaster Supreme
“In the entire world there are only a few sounds that bring joy to all but the most jaded. One is the murmur of a kitten purring. Another is the thwack of a well-pitched baseball hitting a perfectly swung bat. And the third is the pop of a cork being pulled from a bottle of wine.” —George Taber

noslensj


quality posts: 41 Private Messages noslensj

Kevin had been feeling guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear a soothing small voice trying to reassure him: "Kevin, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last. And you’re single. Let it go."

But invariably, another small voice would bring him back to reality: "My God, Kevin! You're a veterinarian......."

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

Tourist Complaints

Since 1841, Britain's Thomas Cook Tours has been leading travelers on new adventures. But not everyone ends up happy. These are supposedly true complaints registered with the travel agency.

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

7. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

8. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

10. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax. "

12. "No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

13. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

14. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

15. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

16. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

17. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

18. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

19. "There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

20. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

21. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

22. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

23. "My fiancé and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

rjquillin


quality posts: 164 Private Messages rjquillin
MarkDaSpark wrote:Tourist Complaints

So true
+1

CT

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

The Priest, the Minister, and the Rabbi

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, and a Rabbi want to see which of them is best at his job. They decide each will go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.

A few days later they get together as agreed, and the priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion."

The other two murmur their agreement that he did a very good job.

"I found a bear by the stream," says the Baptist, "and preached God's holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him!"

The other two murmur their agreement that he did a very good job.

They both look down at the Rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. "You know, looking back," the Rabbi says, "maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision...."


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

Big People Words

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. It was the first day of class, and the teacher told them now that they were in grade school, the rule is, "No baby talk!"
You need to use "Big People" words, she told them.

So with that clear, she began by asking John (not Johnny!) what he had done over summer vacation.

"We went to visit my Nana," he said.

"No," the teacher replied, "you went to visit your grandmother. No baby talk! Use 'Big People' words!"

She then asked Michelle what she had done over vacation.

"We took a ride on a choo-choo!" she replied.

"No," she said. "You took a ride on a train. You must remember to use 'Big People' words."

She then asked little Alex what he had done.

"I read a book," he replied.

"That's wonderful!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

"Winnie the raisins!"


Edit: Darn filters!!!


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

ddeuddeg


quality posts: 25 Private Messages ddeuddeg
rjquillin wrote:So true
+1

But what happened to #5 and #6?

"Always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes the special occasion is that you've got a bottle of Champagne in the fridge". - Hester Browne


Ddeuddeg's Cheesecake Cookbook

mother


quality posts: 14 Private Messages mother

New Stress Management Technique - Guaranteed to Help You Feel Better!

In case you are having a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.


1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so clear that you can make out the face of the Congressman you are holding underwater.

See it worked. You're smiling. You feel better already.

noslensj


quality posts: 41 Private Messages noslensj


Sweet little Polly Nomial walked into a bar and asked for a random order. Curly Pi, who was sitting across the bar, immediately noticed her curvilinear coordinates. He approached her tangentially, eyeing her significant places . “What’s your sine?” he asked.

“Well, well, you certainly are a smooth operator, aren’t you?” Polly responded. “And here I am, with no brackets.”

Curly Pi, detecting a favorable gradient, moved in among the complex elements. “Is she convergent?” he wondered.

Polly sensed that Curly Pi was approaching his maximum. “Sorry”, she said. “I’m strictly homologous.”

“Perhaps I can transform you?” he offered, as he moved closer to her inflection point. “Have you ever had an improper integration?”

Intercepting his vector, Polly quickly truncated the operation “Even if I were bimodal,” she said, “a square like you would not be in my domain.”

Curly Pi returned to his origin at the end of the bar, his extrapolated power series monotone decreasing.

The moral of the story: Even with significant degrees of freedom deviant behavior is still out of range.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark
noslensj wrote:Sweet little Polly Nomial walked into a bar and asked for a random order. Curly Pi, who was sitting across the bar, immediately noticed her curvilinear coordinates. He approached her tangentially, eyeing her significant places . “What’s your sine?” he asked.

“Well, well, you certainly are a smooth operator, aren’t you?” Polly responded. “And here I am, with no brackets.”

Curly Pi, detecting a favorable gradient, moved in among the complex elements. “Is she convergent?” he wondered.

Polly sensed that Curly Pi was approaching his maximum. “Sorry”, she said. “I’m strictly homologous.”

“Perhaps I can transform you?” he offered, as he moved closer to her inflection point. “Have you ever had an improper integration?”

Intercepting his vector, Polly quickly truncated the operation “Even if I were bimodal,” she said, “a square like you would not be in my domain.”

Curly Pi returned to his origin at the end of the bar, his extrapolated power series monotone decreasing.

The moral of the story: Even with significant degrees of freedom deviant behavior is still out of range.



This isn't the Big Bang Theory.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

Cesare


quality posts: 1549 Private Messages Cesare

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you??

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the ___ did you do now?

7. You’re kidding, right ?

8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she???

-il Cesare
Sole Absolute Triple
Exalted High Tastemaster Supreme
“In the entire world there are only a few sounds that bring joy to all but the most jaded. One is the murmur of a kitten purring. Another is the thwack of a well-pitched baseball hitting a perfectly swung bat. And the third is the pop of a cork being pulled from a bottle of wine.” —George Taber

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

Two blonde prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:

Two Prostitutes -- $50.00

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:

Jesus Saves

One of the blondes asks the officer, "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the same two blonde ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter -- $50.00


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000.

The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.

The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"

The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!"


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

Three friends married women from different parts of the country.

The first man married a woman from the North. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from the West. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from the Louisiana. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

otolith


quality posts: 22 Private Messages otolith

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.



Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question: getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby.
Here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case.

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."
--John Muir

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

-- If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

-- If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us anymore -- we refuse to answer.

-- Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it. And don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you're prepared to discuss such subjects as belly button lint or monster trucks.

-- Sunday equals sports. It's like the full moon or the tides: there's nothing you can do about it. And shopping isn't a sport, never was a sport and never will be a sport.

-- When we're going out, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. Just fine. The first thing you put on. Truly. Now let's get going already!

-- You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Most guys own just 3 pairs of shoes. Why do you think we'd be any good at choosing which of your 30 pairs goes well with that dress?

-- Crying is blackmail. Blackmail is cheating. Men don't like people who cheat. See "Sports".

-- Just come out and ask for what you want. Let's be absolutely clear on this point: Subtle hints don't work, strong hints don't work, really obvious hints don't work. If you're really serious about it, just come right out and ask us. And by the way, the answer is probably "no".

-- We don't know what day it is, and never will. Write all birthdays, anniversaries and other special occasions in bright red on the calendar, and make sure we see it.

-- Trust me on this, standing up while peeing makes it much harder to aim. We're bound to miss sometimes. It's not the end of the world.

-- "Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost any question.

-- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

-- A headache that recurs every night is a problem. See a doctor.

-- Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless there's fighting in it.

-- Check your dang oil. And if your car makes a "funny noise", say something now -- don't wait until it gets worse. Remember: it always gets worse.

-- It is not in your best interest or ours to take that magazine quiz together. It doesn't matter which magazine or which quiz.

-- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument and all comments become null and void after 7 days.

-- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way. Really.

-- Ogling is genetic in males. It doesn't mean we love you less. As my old friend Rich used to say, "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home." Just be glad we have an appetite, OK?

-- You can either tell us to do something or tell us how to do something, but not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

-- All men see in about 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. And life is easier if you bunch all those "eggshell" colors into "pretty much white."

-- When it itches, it will be scratched. Live with it.

-- Know how you feel about handbags? That's how we feel about beer.

-- If we ask what's wrong, and you say "nothing", we'll act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying -- it's just not worth the hassle to dig it out of you. So if you have something to say, just say it!

-- Finally, if we've settled an argument, it's settled, OK? Don't start it all over again later. If it's not settled in your mind, don't agree to the settlement the first time.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

Helping Men Survive Valentine's Day

Men often have a difficult time figuring out what to do on Valentine's Day -- and if they expect to get any ...uh, make the women in their lives happy, they need to know the basics. Here it is, guys, hours before you need it -- that's plenty of time.

Step One: Remember. The minimum requirement is to let the woman know you care. The least expensive way is to look at her -- preferably somewhere on her face -- and say, "I love you, [her name here]." If you forget her name, don't bother with the rest of the steps -- you already lack the skill to survive.

Step Two: Cards. A Valentine's card is an acceptable nonverbal token of appreciation. Best of all, it's cheap. Good Valentines are pink with lots of lace and have cute words such as "I'll love my sugar bunny forever and ever and ever and ...". Bad Valentine cards say, "Good for one free quart of motor oil."

Step Three: Candy. While a handful of M&Ms is OK, women tend to expect something a bit nicer. It should be in a box for starters, and wrapped in nice paper for that extra touch. The best way to explain why you must do this is: women regard chocolate the same way men view beer. Enough said?

Step Four: Jewelry. A bit pricier, but essential if you did not bother with Steps 1-3. If you did, you might get by with a small but hideously expensive ring, necklace, or tiara. Note: most women, even in Arkansas, do not consider aluminum, tin or a Mylar balloon to be a precious metal.

Step Five: Lingerie. Caution! Not only does it have to be the right size and caliber, it must also match any of the 8 billion feelings she currently has about herself. To be safe, tell the clerk you're looking for something that can't be used to strangle you in your sleep.

Step Six: Romantic Getaways. These are only good for couples with more than .2 children. Studies prove that not even bacteria can reproduce when a toddler is beating on the bedroom door with a Fisher-Price toy. Depending on the size of your family, a sufficient getaway may range from a motel in town to crossing at least three international boundaries.


The Most Important Thing to Know: Unlike men, women give points for trying. So do something -- anything is better than nothing. Every year, emergency rooms fill with men who didn't understand this simple point.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

You may have read about the Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be called "mentally unstable." Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:

In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend.

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy.?

In Alabama, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, , and South Carolina he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

And in Texas he'd be just "Bubba, who's a little short on ammo..."


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.

perrinaybara


quality posts: 0 Private Messages perrinaybara
MarkDaSpark wrote:EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why do we Drive on the Parkway and Park on the Driveway?



1. Radiation bleaches both...cells produce more melanin (which absorbs some of the radiation that burns us) when exposed to more sunlight.

2. Dropping the jaw all of the way evens the corners of the eye so the stroke is also even

3. Psychics will tell you "it doesn't work that way" ; scientists will tell you "it doesn't work in any way"

4. From the latin verb abbreviare, from brevis, meaning ‘short.’

5. Because they are medical practitioners...practitioners practice.

6. Because you have to "start" the executable sequences that prepare the computer to shut down

7. Stronger lemon flavor w/o rind and so they can advertise it as "real". So for both cases, "money".

8. French: brochier--a wine tapper who was essentially a wholesaler. Later the meaning came to apply to all such middlemen. English made it to brocour, then broker.

9. Because everybody is rushing home from work.

10. There was. It didn't sell because...well, we are weird. We want the best for our pets and evidently won't give them food we would not consider eating ourselves. There was also celery flavored jell-o at one point, try wrapping your head around that one.

I should have stopped at 8, since that was the ONLY thing to have anything to do with wine.

ddeuddeg


quality posts: 25 Private Messages ddeuddeg

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damned auto-correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

"Always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes the special occasion is that you've got a bottle of Champagne in the fridge". - Hester Browne


Ddeuddeg's Cheesecake Cookbook

merbill


quality posts: 29 Private Messages merbill

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

An hour later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her, along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus!"

Wine Wooters Part Deaux FFL Champion and Monkey Prize recipient
RPM Tour #2 Tourista
Wine Century Club Member #919

noslensj


quality posts: 41 Private Messages noslensj

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we looked, but your client didn't."

MarkDaSpark


quality posts: 173 Private Messages MarkDaSpark

Two very wise men ...



Although Terry crumbles at the end.


Someone has to put WD's kids thru college, but why does it have to be me!
*This post is for purposes of enabling only, and does not constitute any promise of helping pay for said enabling. It does indicate willingness to assist in drinking said wine.