Light-bulb Horoscope Jokes
Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
A2: None. Arians aren’t afraid of the dark.
A3: Only one Arian, but an awful lot of light bulbs. (“smash”)
Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a ten course meal and some great sex.
A2: None. Taureans don’t like to change anything.
A3: One, but just “try” to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Two. Plus a portable phone, an Internet link and a copy of the “Bluffer’s Guide to Changing Lightbulbs.”
A2: Two (of course) but it will take all week and when they’re done the light bulb will do your homework, speak French and shine any colour you want from it.
A3: Two, but the job never gets done – they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done!
Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
A2: Just one, and they’ll use a non-disposable diaper too!
A3: None. A Cancerian would worry herself to death with the problem.
Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Leos don’t change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they’re out.
A2: One. He holds the bulb, and the world spins around him.
A3: None. A Leo would order somebody else to change it.
A4: None. Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.
Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Virgos don’t have time to change their own lightbulbs. They’re too busy changing them for everyone else.
A2: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
A3: Let’s see: One to spot the bulb, one to record the time the bulb burned out and the date it was bought, one to decide who’s fault it is the bulb burned out and ask why that brand was chosen in the first place, ten to decide to remodel the house as long as they’re changing the bulb...
Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Er, two. Or maybe one. No – on second thoughts, make that two. Is that okay with you?
A2: Why change the bulb? Isn’t it more romantic in the dark?
A3: Well gee, I don’t know really. I guess it depends on the bulb and where it burned out. It might perhaps take just one if it’s just an ordinary bulb, but maybe two if the person doesn’t know where to find a new light bulb, or perhaps...
Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None – they’d rather sit in the dark.
A2: So who wants to know? Why do “you” want to know? Are you a cop?
A3: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Look, ask me when I get back from India, okay?
A2: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a Jatravartid burned out lightbulb?
A3: A whole bunch. I can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn apiece.
Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. Capricorns can’t afford new lightbulbs – unless they’re a legitimate business expense.
A2: I don’t waste my time with these childish jokes.
A3: None. Why should I bother? It’s probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.
Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy so...
A2: A hundred, but they’ll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.
A3: Like, why don’t you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I’m, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.
Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?
A2: Huh? The light’s out?
A3: None. Only the inner light matters.