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"Oh, man, I hope that's just a squished raisin on the floor of the men's room!"
"I've been put on suicide watch several times."
"She likes my green whacker."
"What does it do if you put it in your pocket?"
"My face is burning up. I've got hot flashes to the face."
"Did somebody just peel an orange?"
"Is that an euphemism?"
"There's also a team whose mascot is a black panther. I'm just sayin', "black panther" means different things to different people, too..."
I recall hearing the words "Back to work".
unangrybird wrote:I recall hearing the words "Back to work".
Hearing the words "Back to work" is enough to make you not want to get up in the morning.
"So, do you like mushing it with your tongue?"
"It's hard to beat Snyder's rods..."
"Oh, you do it like my daughter. She stretches hers out really long."
kenney9226 wrote:"Oh, you do it like my daughter. She stretches hers out really long."
Do I want to inquire where you work or what you do for a living?
"What are we even doing here today? It's the day before the Fourth of July!"
PemberDucky wrote:...or shopping mall, or gym, or truck stop parking lot. Wherever you spend your time, lotlizards.
I'd say that I hear something completely absurd here at work at least once a day. I've decided to start logging these nuggets, and I invite you to join, EBW. I've got three to get started:
1. "Yeah! They lactate stardust!"
2. "Well, maybe here, but I promise it's not that uncommon in Sweden and Germany."
3. Co-worker A: "How do you know so damn much about ostriches?"
Co-worker B: "Uh, hello?! I went to school!"
I was with my Mom, and three friends, in the parking lot of a Panera, when I was 5. We were walking to our car, when I heard a woman just yell "F**K!" like 8 times at another woman. This was a mentally scarring experience.
I'd do anything for you. Especially press two buttons.
"What a way to start the morning. I can't believe I made such a mess."
on the smoke porch of an oil rig:
Well, perhaps that wasnt the best idea after all. How many fingers did he lose?
Thanks to the company a friend of mine works for: "Cuming needs more release material."
As well as: "Well I invited all my Cuming friends..."
"I never knew Link had such a long thick black rock."
"Yeah, I do love playing with your ball." (referencing someone's balance ball)
zsinix wrote:"Yeah, I do love playing with your ball." (referencing someone's balance ball)
It's always more fun when you don't mention context XD For example: "Hey! Not all over my skirt!"
"I had to wean myself from creamer."
"Ooo, this is really hard. Come here and touch it."
"Don't put a note on his door. I don't want people to come see me instead!"
"They have better things to do, but apparently we're the ass they want to chew."
"I'm confident that this is where Kyle will make an ass out of himself."
kenney9226 wrote:"They have better things to do, but apparently we're the ass they want to chew."
That's frighteningly catchy x.x
"Where's the std clinic?"
"We gotta replace your whole rear end..."
"Can I just pop this in real quick?"
"You and your bubbles."
Coworker was having trouble getting the coke machine to take a dollar. after a few times of it spitting it out. "Come on, take it in like the little b**** that you are."
"Now you're a double hooker."
bestsportnascar wrote:Coworker was having trouble getting the coke machine to take a dollar. after a few times of it spitting it out. "Come on, take it in like the little b**** that you are."
"It's been a long time since we flew our monkeys..."
"I bought a live chicken for five bucks!"
"That's a lot of pop"
A coworker responding to an EW article stating the size of a p0rn star's implants, when it was noted that they were 2 liters each.
"I was just talking to myself."
"Not any more, because I am listening to you..."
"I laugh at people who don't know what their anachronisms are."
"It was a really meaty event."
#1: "It is one of those situations where everyone want's to give you advice about what they think you should do but it is no help. Like, telling someone in a falling elevator to jump, you are still going to die."
#2: "That's why everyone should always wear jet packs."