Roesslermania III
The following conversation was completely scripted. Notice how, when they stomp on each other’s heads, they actually just stomp on the canvas.
“BRRRRRRAAAAGHGGGGHGHGH! We got any grapes here that need STOMPIN’?”
Can I help you, sir?
“Damn right you can! GGGRRRRRR! They call me Megaflesh, and I’m the baddest, meaniest, sweatiest BEAST who ever set boot in a wrestling ring!”
How nice for you. May I be of some assistance?
“Damn right you can! See, the whole wrestling thing is kinda in the DUMPS because of the RECESSION! BRRRRRRAAAAGHGGGGHGHGH! So I need a job!”
Well, do you have any winemaking experience?
“Damn right I don’t! RWARRRR! But I figured, what better place for an out-of-work wrestler to find GAINFUL EMPLOYMENT than the Wrestler Winery?”
Oh, I see. I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood. This is the Roessler Winery. It sounds somewhat like “wrestler”, but it’s a completely different spelling and a completely different word.
“Damn right? It is? GGGRRRR?”
It is. We specialize in premium Pinot Noirs carefully chosen from the best Pinot growing regions in the United States, then crafted into vibrant expressions of the individual terroir, ideal for both the wine neophyte and the advanced drinker. For example, the San Francisco Chronicle named our 2006 La Brisa Sonoma County Pinot Noir as one of their top 100 -
“Damn right she is! I used to wrestle mixed doubles with her up in Milwaukee! RWARRRR! WILD lady!”
That was a different La Brisa. This one is a fresh, bright red wine with strong structure and a rich finish. Herb, fruit, earth and olive aromas subtly transform into a melange of cherry, plum, sage, sassafras. Then there’s our 2006 Red Label Sonoma County Pinot Noir. Its earthy cherry aromas lead into a lush palate with more of the same, plus a hint of citrus. Not that someone of your, er, demeanor would necessarily be attuned to all these subtleties.
“Damn right I wouldn’t! BRRRRRRAAAAGHGGGGHGHGH!”
Still, I’d be interested to see how you react to one of our wines. You could represent a whole new market for us. Hmm, let’s see…oh, here’s a bottle of our 2006 Peregrine Santa Rita Hills Pinot Noir. Take a sip, won’t you?
“Damn right I will! Let’s see…WHOA! All I can say is GGGRRRR! It’s like slamming your opponent’s FACE into a turnbuckle, or stomping on his CROTCH, or hitting him with a CARD TABLE! With a hint of red fruit and herbs! It’s a boldly FINESSED expression of the characteristic tannic structure and exquisite FRUIT of the Santa Rita Hills!”
Very observant. Perhaps you do have a future in this industry.
“Damn right I do! RWARRRR! So do I get the job?”
Of course not. But if you do start the Wrestler Winery on your own, we probably won’t sue.
2006 La Brisa Pinot Noir:
- Ph: 3.64
- TA: (g/100ml) 0.62
- Alcohol: 14.4
- Time in Barrel : 11 months in oak
- 969 Cases
2006 Red Label Sonoma County Pinot Noir:
- Ph: 3.69
- TA: .62
- Alcohol: 14.5
- Time in Barrel: 10 months
2006 Peregrine Santa. Rita Hills Pinot Noir:
- pH: 3.51
- TA (g/100ml): 0.66
- Time in Barrel: 16 Months
- Alcohol: 13.8%
- Cases Produced: 850
Rules and restrictions:
- Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
- You must be 21 or older to order
- Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
- If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
- Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
- We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address
Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:
- California
- Colorado
- Connecticut
- District Of Columbia
- Florida
- Georgia
- Idaho
- Illinois
- Iowa
- Michigan
- Minnesota
- Missouri
- Nevada
- New Mexico
- New York
- North Carolina
- Ohio
- Oregon
- Texas
- Vermont
- Virginia
- Washington
- Wisconsin
- Wyoming
If your state's not on the list, you're out of luck... for now. Keep up with the ever-changing laws over at ShipCompliantBlog.com, and/or sound the alarms with your state assembly person through FreeTheGrapes.org. Meanwhile, all Federal, state and local laws are complied with in providing this wine.
