An Annus Pink
Ah, yes, 2012 was one of the rarest and most obscure years in the history of mankind. You probably don't remember what happened. Here's a recap:
- There was Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee, a celebration of her 60 years acting as the equivalent of Cincinnati's Mr. Red.
- Lonesome George, a Pinta Island Tortoise, died. He was the last of his species. Merry Christmas!
- Felix Baumgartner fell out of a spacecraft because he really likes Red Bull.
- Scientists created the first bionic melon.
- Every Canadian child born in June was named "Orange."
- An historic summit saw the first step in trade agreements between rats and squirrels.
- Cake became an accepted, quantifiable emotion.
- Kansas seceded from the United States. When pressed by federal administrators for explanation, the governor said, "You guys are so lame."
- Black market hat trafficking reached an alarming high. Musicians performed in April to raise awareness about the issue with "Hat Aid."
- A new superbug emerged as the latest health threat. "Clam blindness" continues to plague populations across the globe.