Rain Republic Chocolate Mixed 10-Pack

by wootbot


There was a time when chocolate was something very serious. Today, you can recapture those glories... for yourself.

Chocolate. It wasn't always for middle aged white ladies to giggle over. Once, it was the property of MAYAN DEATH GODS. Once it was served RICH and STRONG to WARRIORS who then FOUGHT WILD ANIMALS until the LOSER was DEVOURED. That's the legacy of chocolate, and that's what you'll be eating when you eat these Rain Republic candy bars.

NO MORE will you take delicate bites with pinkies extended. NO MORE will you suffer through layers of cheap whipped nougat. TODAY YOU TAKE THE CORD THAT BINDS YOUR LIFE TO THE UNIVERSE AND YOU SNAP IT WITH YOUR TEETH AND HOWL INTO THE WIND!

Rain Republic's candy bars feature flavors like smoky vanilla, bold coffee, spicy chile and enchantingly cool cardamom. This chocolate doesn't say "I love you, Grandmother." This is the chocolate that once was taken before some guy in a feathered mask to keep him from throwing your family into an active volcano! THIS IS THE MOST SERIOUS CHOCOLATE THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN AND IT WILL TAKE YOU BY THE NECK AND YELL "CHOCOLAAAAAAAAATE" INTO YOUR FACE! THIS CHOCOLATE STANDS ON THE BATTLEFIELD WITH A SABER AND WAVES IT INTO THE SKY! THIS! IS! SUPREME! CHOCOLATE!

And if you can get that excited just reading about it, imagine how it's gonna taste?