Seriously, sorry about the moths.
"In Vino Veritas," they say.
And that's why we've got some brutal truths to get off our massive chest.
Truth #1: That smell? Not the dog.
Truth #2: I used your toothbrush once. I didn't even need to. I brought mine. But I just wanted to feel closer to you.
Truth #3: That wasn't mustard.
Truth #4: I lied when I said I was too sick to attend your sketch comedy show. I was actually playing laser tag.
Truth #5: Since you asked, yes, your brother IS the pretty one.
Truth #6: Your car wasn't stolen. I accidentally set it on fire during my Parisian Riot Simulation Meetup.
Truth #7: Okay, it wasn't an accident.
Truth #8: I lied that second time I said I couldn't attend your sketch comedy show. I actually had tickets to the industrial textile expo and that sounded more interesting and definitely funnier.
Truth #9: Yes, that WAS me in that Rob Schneider movie.
Truth #10: I never learned to sail.
Truth #11: I swallowed your pet moths on a dare.
Truth #12: The third time I said I couldn't go to your sketch comedy show, I had to go sit in line at the DMV for free on behalf of somebody I barely know.
Truth #13: I bought that Grammy off of eBay.