White or Red Planet?
You humans will enjoy nonstandard human activities at this authentic ranch.
Howdy, pardner. Welcome to the Martian Dude Ranch. Kick off your boots and join us for a glass of extracted plant-life sugar liquid. Some of the sugars have been converted to ethanol, which creates a desirable loss of self-control among city slickers such as yourself. Y’hear? We call this fermented plant-sugar liquid “ZHKJEQARKF,” pronounced “Syrah” in human-tongue.
We’ve got plenty of authentic ranch activities to promote the neural network response you call “enjoyment.” Perhaps you enjoy humiliating fellow Earth-creatures by riding on their backs? We have several quadrupedal ungulates to satisfy this fetishistic desire. But watch out for Ol’ Bucksnort – that stallion’s jumpier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Or so our “Encyclopedia Of Human Adages” would lead us to believe.
We have many more activities that may be photographed to prove the authenticity of your Western Ranch experience to friends and family. For we have gleaned that this is the true desire of visitors such as yourself. Perhaps you would like to be photographed while holding a looped rope, or “lasso”? This can be accomplished. Or would you prefer to witness the baling of hay but take no part in the labor of baling hay? This too can be accomplished.
Here at the Martian Dude Ranch we are very interested in accomplishing human desires. For satisfied desires lead to high TripAdvisor ratings. And high TripAdvisor ratings lead to increased human money exchange. And increased human money exchange leads to WORLD DOMINA…
[Clears Larynx-Like Anatomical Structure]
2008 Martian Ranch & Vineyard Syrah 3-Pack
- Harvest date: October 11th, 2008
- Brix level: 28.20
- pH: 4.14
- TA: f 0.57g/100ml.
- Aging: French oak barrels (1/3rd new, 2/3rd neutral) 14 months
- Production: 291 cases
Martian Ranch & Vineyard's 2008 Syrah came from the Estelle Vineyard and the Hampton Family Vineyard, both in the Santa Ynez Valley. The slightly different growing conditions in each vineyard brought different character to each component. Rich, rustic, and meaty over a palate bed of spicy dark red fruit. Herb (no, not that kind of herb) and hints of white pepper and black olives on the nose. Syrah is rich and robust and thus plays nice with flavors that might be considered assertive. Grilled food, for instance, or spicy Mexican or Thai food. Pizza’s just fine, but the red fruit character of the wine lets it work with a HUGE range of food options, up to (and including) no food.
Rules and restrictions:
- Wine sold by winery
- You must be 21 or older to order
- Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
- If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
- Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
- We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address
Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:
- District Of Columbia
- New Hampshire
- New Mexico
- New York
- North Carolina
- North Dakota
- South Carolina
- West Virginia
If your state's not on the list, you're out of luck... for now. Keep up with the ever-changing laws over at ShipCompliantBlog.com, and/or sound the alarms with your state assembly person through FreeTheGrapes.org. Meanwhile, all Federal, state and local laws are complied with in providing this wine.