Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
Why bathe in regular old water when you can bathe in wine?
Today we visit Her Ladyship, Bertha Von Pewterschnapps, and discover what a day in the life of a Countess is like.
"When I wake in the morning, the first thing I do is pull the cord for the bell above my head to summon the girl that rings the other bell to summon the girl who warms the floor for me. You see, these marble floors get quite chilly, and I require eight to 12 champion Lhasa Apsos to lay along my path to the powder room until the tile has reached a precise 98.6 degrees in Fahrenheit temperature. Only then will I dare to place my bare feet upon it."
"Once I have made my way to the powder room, I disrobe and climb the golden stairs to my diamond-encrusted tub, where a warm bath of only the finest Mahoney Vineyards Pinot Noir awaits me. Water? Oh ... no no no. I don't even drink the stuff much less subject my flawless porcelain skin to its vulgarity and commonness."
"I prefer the slight blush and effervescent glow that a wine of deep ruby color and hints of ripe dark cherry, caramel, toasted nuts and oak bequeaths upon my complexion. Do I ever drink it after? OH! Heavens no! That would be unseemly. The girl rebottles it saves it for our less esteemed guests. Would you like a glass? I hear that it has a good acidity and the brightness of ripe fruit. Not that I would know, of course."