Highs and Merlots.
Use this: As a panacea, realistically.
If this is buried in a field, what grows in its place is: A bunch of grapevines, weirdly enough.
Left to its own devices, this wine: Pines for the temperate climate of Friuli-Venezia Giulia and quietly weeps. That's why you should drink it. So it won't be sad any longer. You're doing it a favor, really.
The genie living inside this bottle is named: Dino Sandero, the perpetually inebriated genie and part-time auto mechanic.
At a karaoke bar, this wine sings: Merlot, Sweet Chariot.
The experts say: This wine is your one true friend.