This wine will put hair on your chest. Just as long as the hair follicles have matured enough to even grow there, that is.
"I would like one bottle of the Kent Rasmussen Petite Sirah, please."
Sure, no problem. Can I just see your ID?
"Uh, my ID?"
Yeah. If you want to buy this wine with perfect fruit and perfect structure, you're going to have to show me some ID.
"Oh. Ok. Here ya go".
Your name is Mbadinuju Onyekachukwu?
"Yep. That's me."
I'm sorry, kid. But you're maybe a buck five soaking wet and your face is smoother than a baby's behind. You expect me to believe you're a 42-year-old man named Mbadinuju Onyekachukwu.
"Sure. Why not?"
In Waverly, Ohio?
"Well that's a bit racist, don't you think?"
Okay, fine. What year were you born?
What's your address?
"101 West Main Street."
Great. Now spell your last name.
What's wrong? Don't know how to spell your own last name?
"Psssh. Of course I do. Uh … OK. It's O-N … O-M-A … T-O-P-I-A."
You just spelled onomatopoeia. Incorrectly. Nice try, kid. Come back when you have a little 5 o'clock shadow.