JanKris Killer Case

by wootbot

Crush it!

Don’t worry, Commissioner. We’ll get the guy. I’ve got two of my best men on the Killer Case.

Daniels! Jameson! In my office NOW!

What’s going on with you two, huh? I’ve had you both on the McGillicuddy murder for two weeks now and what have you got for me? Nothing, that’s what. Not a suspect, not a clue, not one single solitary piece of evidence that points us in the direction of the killer except for those JanKris Paso Robles bottles you found at the scene.

So was our killer a winemaker? Maybe he was a wine dealer? Are you… are you two giggling? Listen, you two had better come up with something around those twelve bottles, boys. The mayor’s been breathing down my neck hard over this thing, and if you two can’t find something we can use, heads are gonna roll.

Now then, there’s three bottles each of two different types, right? Well let’s look at your notes for the JanKris 2011 Crossfire. “Merlot base followed by smatterings of Cab, Tempranillo, Petit Syrah, Syrah, and Grenache.” No help there, I guess.

How about the JanKris 2011 Riatta? Your notes say the wine unites the roundness of Merlot, the brightness of Sangiovese, the intense fruit of Zinfandel and subtle acidity of Tempranillo! Is this “fruit forward style and balanced finesse” some kind of code you two use? Sounds like one of those fancy wine tastings my wife is always tryin’ to get me to go to.

Seriously, you guys are killin’ me here. While I can appreciate that the Crossfire is “a traditional Bordeaux style blend enhanced by ripe Spanish varietals” as you’ve put it here, Jameson, I don’t see how “young enough to age well in your cellar, yet old enough to enjoy now” is something I can go to Mrs. McGillicuddy with to ease her pain and suffering!

I'm speechless. Fifteen years on the force and this is the first time I have been without words. It’s been two weeks and instead of a description of a suspect, you’ve given me wine notes. What have you got to say for yourselves?

Wait a second. Are your teeth stained, Jameson?! You too, Daniels?! Your badges and guns, hand them over now. You two are done, you understand me? Done!