My liquid refreshment is better than your liquid refreshment.
"Look at you over there, standing with your fancy water, drinking your water, your fancy water."
What are you talking about?
"I'm talking about YOU. Think you're better than me because you drink $20 bottled water sourced from some pristine alpine spring somewhere?"
Uh, actually, I got this from the gas station. It was 79 cents.
"Whatever. I know your game. But the thing is, I've bested you and you don't even realize it."
No seriously. There is no game. I'm just drinking some water.
"You see this wine?"
You mean the wine in that bottle that you're brandishing wildly a little too close to my skull? Yeah, I see it.
"Well, this is no ordinary wine."
You don't say.
"It's Geyser Peak Sonoma County Chardonnay. You know what that means?"
"IT MEANS … that THIS WINE … came from … a GEYSER."
Hahahaha. Oh wait. You're serious, aren't you?
"Of course I'm serious! I bottled it myself just this afternoon."
No way, man. There's no way that is accurate.
"Oh! Look who's jealous of my fancy geyser wine!"
I'm not jealous. You're just clearly insane.
"Insane for the exquisite aromas of green apple, lemon and acacia? Maybe. Crazy for the flavors of guava, pineapple and pear? Definitely. A little COO-COO for the subtle wood notes, vibrant acidity and long, refreshing finish? Absolutely. What can I say? I'm a man of good taste. BETTER taste than you."
Are you also a man with 6th degree steam vent burns and no arms because they got blown off while you were trying to fill a wine bottle over a geyser?