Do Not Actually Believe The Write Up
With a name like "White Hawk" you'd probably expect this be a '70s action hero. But it isn't! It's a wine!
Far up in the clouds above Santa Barbara is the White Hawk Vineyard. Each day dozens of hawks soar down to rip only the finest grapes into their claws, which they then carry back to the casks and barrels that are held aloft by tiny bluebirds (who make excellent money, by the way!) until such time as the wine is matured.
Naturally, these poor hawks lack the taste receptors to fully appreciate the 2008 Deep Sea Syrah 2-Pack, so they always hurl it towards the ground in frustration. But an intelligent human, in the right place at the right time, can grab hold of these bottles and drink deep of the dark berry flavors and aromas of roasted coffee beans and spices and caramel and vanilla. Of course the hawks will circle above furiously, making threats and flapping their wings, but there's no need to worry. Birds of prey are notoriously forgetful, and they probably won't ever see your face.