De Longs Wine Grape Varietal Table

by Wootbot

“I had a nice time, but I really don’t think I’m ready for a commitment -”

“Did anyone ever tell you that your eyes are the color of a vintage Marzemino?”

“Ravish me, you fool!”

Everyone loves a wine expert – but getting there takes years of careful study and thousands of dollars in travel costs! Take the shortcut to wine wisdom with DeLong’s Wine Grape Varietal Table!

“And in closing, the witness could not have seen my client on the scene carrying a bottle of Refosco white wine, because Refosco is a red wine. He was actually carrying a bottle of Auxerrois.”

“Jury, how do you find?”

“Not guilty on all counts!”

Facts, factoids, and tasting notes for 184 of the world’s favorite grapes – all almost literally on the tip of your tongue! When it comes to information, there’s no easier or more convenient way to learn it than by studying an unwieldy wall chart! And there’s no better way to get instant status in your social circle than by dropping obscure wine facts!

“And I say I’m the leader of this gang. Whaddya got to say about that, Shiv?”

“Ah, your momma drinks Rkatseteli from my jockstrap.”

“Shiv’s our new leader! Shiv, Shiv, Shiv! Shiv, Shiv, Shiv!”

In mere seconds, DeLong’s Wine Grape Varietal Table turns your home or office into a home or office with a wine chart on the wall! This instant wine education and the accompanying index booklet can be yours for one simple payment! Don’t wait another minute to change your life for the better, the DeLong’s Wine Grape Varietal Table way!

“I hate to do this, Tom, but the economy’s terrible and we just can’t afford to keep so many people on staff right now.”

“That’s OK. I guess I’ll go drown my sorrows with a bottle of Sagrantino.”

“Sagrantino, did you say? Forgot all that layoff talk. Take my job, instead. You deserve it more than I do.”

“Thanks, DeLong’s Wine Grape Varietal Table!”

Rules and restrictions:

  • Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
  • You must be 21 or older to order
  • Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
  • If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
  • Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
  • We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address

Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:

  • Alabama
  • Arizona (expect tediously long delivery times)
  • Arkansas
  • California
  • Colorado
  • Connecticut
  • Delaware
  • District Of Columbia
  • Florida
  • Georgia
  • Idaho
  • Illinois
  • Indiana (expect tediously long delivery times)
  • Iowa
  • Kansas
  • Kentucky
  • Louisiana
  • Maine
  • Maryland
  • Massachusetts (expect tediously long delivery times)
  • Michigan
  • Minnesota
  • Mississippi
  • Missouri
  • Montana
  • Nebraska
  • Nevada
  • New Hampshire
  • New Jersey (expect tediously long delivery times)
  • New Mexico
  • New York
  • North Carolina
  • North Dakota
  • Ohio
  • Oklahoma
  • Oregon
  • Pennsylvania
  • Puerto Rico
  • Rhode Island
  • South Carolina
  • South Dakota
  • Tennessee
  • Texas
  • Utah
  • Vermont
  • Virginia
  • Washington
  • West Virginia
  • Wisconsin
  • Wyoming
  • Armed Forces Africa, Canada, Europe, Middle East (expect tediously long delivery times)
  • Armed Forces Americas (expect tediously long delivery times)
  • Armed Forces Pacific (expect tediously long delivery times)

If your state's not on the list, you're out of luck... for now. Keep up with the ever-changing laws over at, and/or sound the alarms with your state assembly person through Meanwhile, all Federal, state and local laws are complied with in providing this wine.