Canned Ham Be Damned
There's a time and a place for everything. But for special occasions, we like our meat a little classier.
It's not often I'll turn down a nice grilled Spam sandwich. Every now and again I'll indulge in a can of Underwood Chicken Spread. And when I'm feeling especially un-bougie, I might even shake the gelatinous goo off some Vienna sausages and have me a fine little snack.
But today is special, y'all. It's not every day we get together to watch a three-year-old play the violin with the skill of a toddler weeks older. This calls for a Creminelli Artisan Porchetta Roast.
Ain't nothing fancier than a little nibble of fully-cooked, whole suckling pig seasoned generously with garlic, sea salt and rosemary while a little tyke squeaks out the ear-bleedingest rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star that you've ever heard, over and over again, in the keys of G, D and OH THANK GOD IT'S FINALLY OVER, no wait, now she's playing in A, kill me now.