Core Wine Santa Barbara Reds (4)

by wootbot

No wine for you!

Four delicious wines for everyone in America's 33 states.

These wines are fantastic, but unfortunately we can’t deliver them to all states. Some people assume this is because of teetotaling politicians and their puritanical laws, but that’s not always the case. If your state’s not on the “approved” list, here’s why:

Alabama - They don’t have a problem with the wine, per se, they just want to keep it apart from the beer.
Alaska - The wine would freeze.
Arkansas - Residents have never heard of wine.
Delaware - Not a real state.
Hawaii - Wine shipments blocked by all-powerful cocktail umbrella lobby.
Indiana - Blocked by governor Mike Pence, whose great grandfather was killed by a vineyard owner.
Kentucky - Wine does not pair well with fried chicken.
Massachusetts - Orders cannot be processed due to inability to comprehend customers.
Mississippi - Too difficult to ford the giant river.
Montana - Too difficult to cross the mountains
New Hampshire - Probably not a real state.
Oklahoma - Ugh, Oklahomans. Ugh.
Pennsylvania - Blocked by powerful cheesesteak lobby.
Rhode Island - Wine wouldn’t fit in the state.
South Dakota - Shipments would be stolen by North Dakotans.
Utah - Wine shipments blocked by Mormons.
Virginia - Wine shipments blocked by Lovers.