Brooklyn Brine Artisan Pickles

by wootbot

Bright Lights Big Deli

There are a million cucumbers just like you, kid. You gotta have spice and flavor if you're gonna make it. Anything less just won't cut the mustard 'round here.

I know what you're thinking. These are nothing more than doe-eyed bridge-and-tunnel pickles with unrealistic dreams of making it in the big deli.

Well, don't be so bitter and jaded, my friend. Because I've got news for you. Brooklyn Brine pickles are the newest thing. Unlike your silver spoon-fed upper east side pickles, these are hand-packed. And not because they can't afford fancy manufacturing equipment. No no. It's because hand-packing captures the vibrant character of organic vegetables freshly plucked from the garden.

Sure, sure. You take one look at the NYC Deli Pickles and you think you've got them pegged. Wannabes, right? WRONG. These pickles are a twist on the New York Classic. We're talking garlic, dill and a hint of evaporated cane sugar. That's right. Not so cocksure anymore, are ya?

You think you know the type, but I'm telling you, you don't know the type. What would you say to a Maple Bourbon Bread & Butter Pickle? Or better yet, a SPICY Maple Bourbon Bread & Butter Pickle. What about a Damn Spicy Pickle? Do they kiss their mothers with those caraway seed and apple cider vinegar brine mouths? Your damn right they do.

Listen, I could go on and about Hop-Pickles, Fennel Beets, Whiskey Barrel Sauerkraut and Chipotle Carrots, but I won't. I can't change your mind if you already have it made up. But I will say this. You were young and hopeful once, too. So why not just cut a gherkin some slack already?