Brandini Toffee for Valentine's Day

by wootbot

Crunch My Heart

How do I love thee? Let me eat the ways.

What am I saying to you with this Brandini Toffee, my love? Only this, candy of my heart, only this:

Your lips are like unto butter in their richness, their sweetness, but not their color unless you've had a really rough night.

Your heart is as pure as cane sugar. To win it for mine, I would spend hours toiling with a machete in the hot sun, but thanks for not making me do that because it would totally suck.

Your smile is as intoxicating as chocolate dipped in liquid ecstasy, but it would be illegal to sell candy with ecstasy in it so you'll have to settle for just the chocolate part.

And finally, the almonds... uh, the shape of your nostrils, maybe? OK, so my toffee metaphor is kinda falling apart here, but fortunately this Brandini Toffee doesn't have to be a coherent allegory of my undying passion for you. It just has to taste good.