Tools Of The Wine Trade
This was created by the lead singer of Tool, and no, that's not actually a joke.
We here at Woot often use the "fish out of water" comedic device, in which an individual or object is placed in a situation in which it is ill-suited or unnecessary. Think of the final act of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, or the entirety of Encino Man.
So it is with delight mixed with consternation that we present the Dala Chardonnay by Arizona Stronghold, co-owned by Tool frontman Maynard James Keenan. We would have loved to create a "wacky" situation in which the lead singer of Tool described a chardonnay as featuring "pineapple and star fruit notes play off just a hint of fresh cream, almonds and baked apples," but that's not a joke! That's real life!
"Hard rock icon and vintner Maynard James Keenan knelt down and grabbed a handful of soil. He rubbed it between his fingers, smelled it, and muttered, 'Too acidic. The tannins won't mature.' He stood up and began whistling 'Sober' as he ran his fingers along the trestles."
^^^^ That would make a GREAT beginning to an absurd, fish-out-of-water wine write-up. Unfortunately, it's true.