Woot® : One Day, One Deal™

Selling Page Cellars

Somewhere there’s a used bookstore in a basement that wants its name back.

Perhaps the bookstore’s proprietor’s name is even Page. Could you imagine? Page selling pages? Page, the page seller working out of a cellar? Could she ever consider doing anything else with her life? What other dream could a woman named Page with an interest in books and a subterranean storefront possibly chase???

Well, that’s something for Page to figure out. Because “Page Cellars” is taken.

But don’t worry. It’s not as much a travesty as it seems. After all, the winery’s owner is named Jim Page, so it’s not like he stole the word “Page” just to be spiteful. And, more importantly, Page Cellars makes some absolutely amazing wine. Like the 2006 Page Cellars Syrah, a deep and penetrating wine whose dark, true to variety fruit flavors – underlain with licorice, Swiss chocolate, Red Mountain earth, and minerals – took home the gold at both the 2010 Finger Lakes Wine Competition and 2010 Seattle Wine Awards. Or the smokey, chewy 2006 Page Cellars Preface Cabernet Sauvignon, another winner at the Seattle Wine Awards (Double Gold) that boasts a grand core of blackberry, black cherry, currant, figs, roasted coffee, bittersweet chocolate, mild pepper, and an oaky finish.

What we’re getting at is who wants to buy a book from Page the page seller when you can buy a few bottles from Page Cellars?

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Hey gang, I’m here!

Oh hey, Tyler. What’s up? Why are you taking that bottle?

“Sorry, pals. This one’s mine.”

“What are you talking about? This is my 3-Pack of 2010 Ty Caton Ty’s Red.”

“Well, it’s got my name on it.”

“So? I bought it myself because I was all excited about a red made using limited intervention to express the true nature of the vineyard.”

“I don’t even know what that means.”

“It’s, y’know, eco-groovy or whatever. The winery ferments wild yeasts that naturally grows in the grapes to keep it as natural as possible. And it’s still got a bold, complex flavor.”

“Well you’ll never know because I’m taking it.”

“No you’re not!”

“SINCE WHEN DOES HAVING YOUR NAME ON IT NOT EQUAL 9/10THS OF POSSESSION?!”

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Is “Suicide” painless?

Listen, you COULD combine all these wines into one mega-wine. But don’t.

It may have been fun when you were a kid to combine all the sodas at a fountain in one cup. Many call this melting-pot beverage a “Suicide.” Others, apparently, a “Bug Juice” or “Swamp Juice.” But a disgusting drink by any other name would taste as sickly-sweet. And we adults know better, right?

Right?

So look, we know that we lose control over what happens to this Ranchero Cellars Paso Sampler once we ship it to you. You could drink it, use it to give your sugar glider a bath – whatever you choose to do. So we’re just asking you, at a basic human level: Please do not mix these together into a wine-variant “Bug Juice.”

We’re not trying to over-reach our position here, and we understand you need your space to make your own decisions. We totally understand that and, again, the choice is ultimately yours to make. But please, before you gleefully pop all three corks and dump the bottles into a large punch bowl, just think for a second about what you’re doing.

If you HAVE to do it, just be reasonable. Mix the two whites together, but please…please not the red. You know what, we shouldn’t even have raised that as a possibility. Just enjoy each of these wines on their own. They’re great, and you’re going to enjoy them all individually. Especially if you splash in a little Diet Dr. Pepper.

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Mom knows best

It’s a special day today! The day we sell 2007 R. Merlo Estate Vineyards Syrah on Wine.Woot!

Unlike many California wines, R. Merlo Estate Vineyards makes wines that are complex but not overly potent or overripe. Instead, they’re bold, yet refined and beautiful, like a… um… hmm. Drawing a blank here. What else could I possibly say embodies the qualities of being bold, yet refined and beautiful?

I know! Mom! I’ll call my mom! She’s good at this stuff.

Hey mom, it’s me… You were expecting me to call? Weird. Why? Actually, never mind. I’ve actually got something important to talk about…

I got this wine to write up, a 2007 R. Merlo Estate Vineyards Syrah, and I just have no ideas. It’s a big and richly dark wine with a refined balance and an elegant nature. Tasting notes? Well, there are some flavors of fully ripe blueberries, black cherries, and dried currants, which are supported by characters of Italian roasted espresso, stoutly porters, and Mediterranean spices. You know, just speaking off the top of my head.

What should my angle be? Like, I want to compare it to something that’s unique, something that’s strong, something that’ll help you get through the hard times. But what? I just have no idea!

I should compare it to a mother? Jeez mom, you’re acting really self-centered today. Not everything’s about you, you know!

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If it works for beer…

You could call him AN interesting man, I don’t know about the MOST interesting man.

He once had a dinner party, and only about a third of the people he invited showed up.

He often spends Friday nights at home, wishing someone would call him to do something fun, but then he doesn’t answer his phone when someone DOES call.

He likes to wear cargo shorts. In 2012.

He once ordered a 4-Pack of 2008 Ethan Wines Edna Valley Grenache because he read about its flavors of bright red fruit and cherries.

He worries that someday his doctor’s going to tell him to cut back on salt, but he’s not doing anything to prevent it now.

He spends more money on booze than rent.

He is…the average Wine.Wooter.

“I don’t always drink wine, but when I do, it’s because I got a great deal on some Internet deal-a-day site I frequent. And seriously, I drink a LOT of wine.”

“Keep Wooting, I guess. If you want. I don’t care.”

Always drink responsibly. And Woot irresponsibly.

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Oh Yes!

Oh, you’re going to love these Oh Pinots.

Oh, what kind of wine is this?

“Oh, it’s the 2006 Oh Pinot, Balo Vineyards, Anderson Valley.”

Oh?

“Oh. After Richard Oh. Of Otter Cove Wines.”

Oh. Otter Cove? In Pas-oh R-oh-bles?

“Oh yes!”

Oh, I just love the rich color, the flavors of dark cherry, blackberry, and the long silky velvety finish.

“Oh, then you’d love the 2007 Oh Pinot Noir, Santa Lucia Highlands, Monterey County.”

Oh?

“Oh, I’m sure of it! You’ll find the taste of dark cherries again, as well as hints of chocolate and raspberries, and a nice silky finish.”

So…

“So?”

So, can I try some of that 2007 Oh?

“Oh… no.”

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Smell no evil

Greet the morning and prepare to face the 1000 Demons of Humankind.

Whether it’s Avarice, Despondency, Ennui, or one of the 997 other Great Malignancies that rears its distorted head, you’ll be energized with that special pick-me-up feeling that only high-quality artisan coffees can provide. You may only have four types of coffee whereas the destructive ghost of humanity can assume 1000 faces. But fear not! Your battle against abstract evil will get off to an aromatic, full-bodied start.

Does your heart feel like a hurricane of stinging nettles? Sure it does! Don’t worry, that’s just the old Goblin Guilt. After a few sips of rich coffee, he’ll be banished to the distant ethereal plane where he belongs.

Can’t open your eyes because the sight of anything, anything at all will throw you into a cyclone of helpless self-loathing? Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Monday Masochisms! Cream and sugar with that?

Does the face of a laughing child make you weep? Oh my. We’re so sorry. No amount of coffee can withdraw you from that dark place, my friend. May your suffering be brief.

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It’s only a matter of time.

The world of wine is RIPE with social media possibilities!

Reggie installed “Living the Wine Life” on his page! Join and compare wine notes!

Hmmm. That’s kind of interesting, I guess. What’s this app?

Reggie took the “Which Wine Are You?” Quiz! His results: Pinot Gris! Take the Quiz now!

Ugh, no thanks.

Reggie is enjoying a 2010 Solstice Riesling 3-Pack at his house with friends!

What? I wasn’t invited? That son of a- Maybe he just forgot. I’ll IM him and see what’s up.

Reggie has gone offline.

Hmm. Could be just bad timing.

Reggie updated from his phone: “a subtle and delicate nose with notes of peach and kiwi, pear and lemon on the palate. This wine is too good to share with just anyone!”

Wait. He’s not talking about me is he? I’m not just anyone! I’m me! I’m fun! I like wine! DAMN YOU, WINE APP!

Reggie updated from his phone: “I’ve got more beautiful women than I know what to do with at this party!

OKAY, NOW HE’S JUST BEING A JERK.

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Heartbreak in Aisle 8

Never be subjected to the Checkout Lane of Judgment again.

Ratty flip-flops? Check. Old t-shirt and pajama pants? Check. No make-up, your hair tucked up under a hat, and a pair of sunglasses covering your tear-reddened eyes? Triple check.

And yet, nothing says “I’ve just been dumped” like standing in the checkout lane with ice cream and a cheap bottle of wine. It’s why the guy behind you in line snickered. It’s why the lady in front of you gave you an “aw, poor thing” look as she paid for her toilet paper. It’s why the checker can’t help but comment with a snarky “Must be date night.”

Why torture yourself? You know men lie! You know how hard it is to convince a man to love you ever since your father left years ago? Why put yourself out there for the grocery-buying public to judge when you can have all the wine you need right in your very own home?

With this JanKris Winery Paso Robles Picaro Case, you’re not only getting a finely-crafted artisan 2005 Picaro that refreshes the soul with its bright and peppery flavor and smooth finish, you’re gaining the peace of mind of never having to leave the house during your latest pity party. Don’t broadcast your loneliness to the world. Instead, have a glass of wine and concentrate on what’s important: healing through constantly refreshing his Facebook page to see which of your friends he’s left you for.

Ice cream? Well, you’re going to have to figure that one out for yourself. Maybe you should invest in a deep freezer or something. But wine? Oh yeah. We’ve got you covered.

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The Name Game

Used Automobile Parts wine: no actual auto parts included.

John, I got good news and I got bad news. The good news is the Used Automobile Parts have arrived. The bad news is, it’s not actually auto parts. It’s a bunch of vintage 2005 wine.

“What? Well, get 'em on the phone! They made a mistake!”

No, that’s just the thing. It was our mistake. The wine is called Used Automobile Parts.

“Why would someone name a wine that?”

They probably thought it was funny or something.

“Yeah, maybe for them, but not for us. We got an auto garage to run here, for crying out loud!”

What do you wanna do, John?

“I don’t know! I just don’t know!”

Okay, calm down. What do you say we open a bottle and ponder on a solution?

“Hm, that might not be such a bad idea…”

TWO HOURS LATER

“Aw jeez! How’d we let two entire hours go by?”

I guess we just got lost in the enticing aromas of intense cassis, black cherry, licorice, and integrated Tahitian vanilla.

“See, what did it for me was more the flavors of supple, ripe plum, boysenberry, blackberry, and sweet leather flavors, followed by notes of fresh tobacco, Belgian chocolate, and roasted coffee. But, oh no! Now we’re two hours behind on our work, and we have no parts!”

We better have some more wine and figure it out.

“Great idea!”

THREE HOURS LATER

“Wow! That sure is a nice long finish on this.”

Did you get the hints of subtle, sumptuous French Oak? Because I sure did.

“Wait, what time is it?”

Three in the afternoon.

“Ugh! It happened again! And we’ve come no closer to finding a solution to our predicament!”

Here, have some more wine, and this time, we’ll really put our heads down and figure this out.

FIVE HOURS LATER

Wow. This Used Automobile Parts stuff is great.

“Is the sun setting? Boy, we must have stayed late without even noticing.”

What a long, stressful day!

“Tell me about it!”

What do you say we have a glass of wine? You know, to wind down.

“Sounds great!” 

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