Dear Roxy,
My boyfriend and i have been dating for about six years and he just won't pop the question. I've dropped hints, made comments under my breath, and even gotten his mother to call him. Nothing seems to work. Should I hit the road or wait it out?
- Impatient in Iowa
Dear Impatient,
Nothing's worse than a man who won't take charge. Sometimes we women need to put them in their place. Go grab yourself a jar of Woot's Mistress Olive Greene. The intensity of the flavours would make a FANTASTIC little tossed pasta dish. When he takes one bite, walk out the front door with it and don't look back. He won't be able to tell if the salty taste in his mouth is the red pepper hinted tapenade or his tears of loneliness. Expect a ring by Thursday.
- Roxy
Dear Roxy,
I read your column every week. You have to help me! The fire is GONE from my bed. My husband hardly looks at me before rolling over and snoring away. What can I do to make him want me again? I'm going crazy!
- Eager in Erie
Dear Eager,
If it's fire you need, and boy do you need those home fire to burn, it's Woot's Lieutenant Pepper you should have at the ready. The mildly spicy roasted red peppers, olives, capers, with a detectable hint of Chardonnay will not only set his senses alight but wanting more and more as the days go on. And it's all natural, so you can use it over and over without fear of overdosing or uncomfortable side effects. May be habit forming - and I hope it is!
- Roxy
Dear Roxy,
Here's one I bet you don't hear everyday. I need LESS women in my life. I'm too distracted, they're always calling and wanting to go out. It's IMPOSSIBLE to focus down on one girl when there are dozens on the calendar each week. I've tried quitting cold turkey, and my friends are starting to get annoyed at how I can't ever make a tee time because of some girl. What should I do? I'm thinking of moving...
- Adroit in Detroit
Dear Adroit,
I'm very familiar with this sort of issue, and it's more common than you think, so don't despair. There's a simple fix, though it may break your heart to do it, so know going in the sacrifice you are going to make. Have a huge party at your place with all of your friends, and serve Woot's Artichoker artichoke lemon spread. Easily the most popular spread for crackers or crostini, your friends will welcome the diversion your females pay to this amazing concoction. Then, when their faces are full of the lemony artichoky black-peppery deliciousness, you can single out that special girl and sneak out the back door with a jar for just the two of you. Good luck!
- Roxy
Have a relationship that needs some work and would like Roxy to help? Drop her a PM anytime....
