“Yes. It is I, Randall Grahm. Step forward, o seeker of knowledge.”
“Wow! I can’t believe it! I’m really talking to you! The founder of the great Bonny Doon vineyards! One of the pioneers of California-grown Rhône varietals! And a lifelong champion of lesser-known grapes against the oppressive orthodoxy of the status quo!”
“True, true. Why have you come here?”
“To pick your brain about, like, wine and stuff! I mean, you’re in the Who’s Who of Cooking in America for ‘lifetime achievement and leadership in the improvement and development of American cuisine’! You’ve won awards from the James Beard Foundation and Bon Appétit Magazine! There’s even an asteroid, Rhoneranger, named in your honor! Your irreverent, inspired wine writing has appeared in countless wine journals – and back issues of your Bonny Doon newsletter are coveted collector’s items!”
“I am aware of my CV, thank you.”
“Please, master, share your wisdom with me! Teach me the lessons you learned in your decades-long pursuit of the great American Pinot Noir! Instruct me in the ways of biodynamic winegrowing and winemaking, which you’ve employed since 2002! Most of all, teach me how to make awesome puns like Cardinal Zin.”
“I shall. I shall. If you are willing to pay the price.”
“Yes! Anything! What is it? Should I wax your car, or paint your garage, or catch a fly with a corkscrew? What price should I pay?”
”$19.95 ”
“Uh, what?”
“For just $19.95, including free shipping, you can have your own copy of Been Doon So Long, the first-ever vinthology of my teachings! It’s like having a really funny, really wise wine guru on your bookshelf – although this way is considerably more comfortable for the guru.”
“But, but, won’t you teach me personally?”
“Hey, I’d love to, but I have wine to make and a business to run and more stuff to write. I can’t become the personal mentor to everybody who manages to climb up here.”
“What are you talking about? You don’t look that busy to me, sitting up here in this cave.”
“This voice is a recording, and the man you see before you is a remarkably lifelike mannequin.”
“Oh. Oh, OK. Kind of a letdown. But I’m sure the book is good.”
“Yes, if I do say so myself. It’ll be worth every penny. But before you go further on your journey, you should know one thing.”
“Yes? Yes? What is it, wise one?”
“I don’t take personal checks.”
Been Doon So Long, Written by Randall Grahm
- 336 pages
- Hardback bound
- 8-1/2×10 inches
- 26 color illustrations
- 35 line illustrations
This eclectic collection at last brings to a wide audience the irreverent, zany voice of Randall Grahm, visionary California winemaker and founder of Bonny Doon Vineyard. An iconoclastic send-up of the wine industry and a celebration of unsung grape varieties, the book features, among other things, Grahm’s hilarious literary parodies—Joyce, Kafka, Pynchon, Salinger, and others—together with song lyrics, other snarky satires, poems, lectures, and more. Subtle undertones of gravitas with faint suggestions of earnestness lie beneath the humor, however, as Grahm passionately addresses the state of wine today: Where in wine does “greatness” truly repose? How might true originality in New World wines be found? Do New World winemakers have the integrity and courage to unreservedly embrace terroir? This trove includes a very personal take on Dante’s Inferno (Grahm’s own vision of Wine Hell) and a collection of tunes from the rock opera “Born to Rhône.” Other pieces offer a fascinating glimpse into the history of the Rhône Ranger wine movement and of Bonny Doon itself, told through the story of its adventurous wine labels. Been Doon So Long is a highly entertaining journey to find the “truth of all things that may be found in the unlikely medium of a wineglass.”
