Wednesday Bloody Wednesday
Order this on Wednesday and you'll be able to give it to your adult trick-or-treaters on Halloween. Order it later and risk getting TPed.
Hi, my name is Vlad. It’s been over three months since I had even a drop of blood.
Oh, when I first became one of the Unholy Dark Immortal Host Of The Night, I couldn’t stop. I’d attack businessmen, schoolgirls, dancers, I even once attacked a sweaty guy who worked in a video store. All because of The Hunger. See, they didn’t have it in stock and I got mad.
But those days are behind me now. Because I found something better, something that was made just for me. A lovely Vampire Vineyards Three Pack.
I know what you’re thinking! I was there once myself! But the first taste of the 2005 Chateau Du Vampire, that deep lovely Cabernet Sauvignon, it won me over. It was complex, like a young woman of noble birth who was terrified and yet could not stay away, tasting of black cherry, spice, and chocolate. And best of all, I didn’t even have to mesmerize it at a dinner party. All I needed was to find my opener! Which, I admit, was hard, since I’m used to using my fangs. But see? I grew as a person! And that was the first step to reclaiming my life.
Then there was the 2006 Vampire Merlot. Rich color with supple tannins, this Merlot went down easy and graceful, like a young gypsy boy in his prime. And those fruit flavors, full of sunshine! The subtle shadings of vanilla and oak! It was as though my mouth were free of an eternal curse, and everyone had been invited!
Truly, that would have been enough, but the Vampire Vineyards gave me one more bottle. The 2004 TrueBlood Syrah. From the gentle nights of Napa Valley, this Syrah is crushing cherry, plum smoke and spice. It even carries the forbidden stake of toasty oak among the blissfully smooth tannins for a bit of danger.
After this Vampire Vineyards three pack, you’ll never again crave the essence of the living. Never again will you stalk the shadows, feeding on the available as you are able. Never again will you run through misty streets, desperate to find shelter before the first rays of dawn. You may get a little on your cloak but some club soda should take that right out. Rejoice, my brothers! For the Vampire Vineyards Three pack will set you free, just as it did for me!
And now, my friend from the Black Lagoon wants to tell us how he beat heroin. Please give him a round of applause.
2004 TrueBlood Napa Valley Syrah
- 100% Syrah
- Paso Robles
- 16.2% Alcohol
2006 Vampire Merlot
- 84% Merlot
- 8% Zinfandel
- 8% Cabernet Sauvignon
- Paso Robles
- 13.8% Alcohol
2005 Chateau Du Vampire
- 60% Cabernet Sauvignon
- 30% Cabernet Franc
- 10% Malbec
- Paso Robles
- 13.4% Alcohol
Rules and restrictions:
- Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
- You must be 21 or older to order
- Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
- If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
- Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
- We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address
Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:
- California
- Colorado
- Connecticut
- District Of Columbia
- Florida
- Georgia
- Illinois
- Iowa
- Michigan
- Minnesota
- Missouri
- Nevada
- New Hampshire
- New Mexico
- New York
- North Carolina
- Ohio
- Oregon
- South Carolina
- Texas
- Vermont
- Virginia
- Washington
- Wisconsin
If your state's not on the list, you're out of luck... for now. Keep up with the ever-changing laws over at ShipCompliantBlog.com, and/or sound the alarms with your state assembly person through FreeTheGrapes.org. Meanwhile, all Federal, state and local laws are complied with in providing this wine.
