Blend Me Your Cheers
So what if there’s no room to grow a vineyard in my second-floor efficiency? That didn’t stop me from becoming the leading winemaker in the Oakpointe Crossing Apartment Complex.
You don’t need a vast California estate and years of tutelage to style yourself a winemaker. You just have to want it bad enough. And you need the Fusebox Wine Blending Kit.
See, the Europeans, they aren’t so hung up on keeping varietals in their separate little pigeonholes. For one thing, it makes the grapes taste like pigeon dung. More importantly, skillful blending allows for complex, distinctive, multifaceted wines.
So the Fusebox Wine Blending Kit provides everything you need to blend, chop, whip, and pulse your way to oenic self-expression. You get six 375 mL bottles of Napa wine to blend with, including Merlot, Petit Verdot, Malbec, Cabernet Franc, and two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon. You get chemistry-class throwbacks like pipettes and a graduated cylinder. You get recipes, evaluation cards, and aroma cards to guide your quest. And once you’ve flexed those blending muscles, you and your fellow wine geeks can guess at what went into the 375 mL bottle of Mystery Wine. Note: “Hi-C”, “soy sauce”, and “Ben-Gay” are not acceptable answers.
Get in touch with your inner vintner with the Fusebox Wine Blending Kit. Or come over to my place and get in touch with my inner vintner. You should probably bring your own chair, though. I don’t have much room for furniture at my place.
Fusebox Wine Blending Kit
Each fusebox blending kit includes:
• Six 375 mL bottles of blending wine, made from some of Napa’s finest vineyards
Cabernet Sauvignon(2 bottles) , Merlot, Petit Verdot, Malbec, Cabernet Franc
• One 375 mL bottle of Mystery Wine
You try to unlock the components
• Four pipettes
• Graduated cylinder
• Four wine evaluation cards
• Four tasting placemats
• 8 Recipe cards
• Vinography aroma card
• Corkscrew
Rules and restrictions:
- Wine sold by winery (or a retailer in your state where necessary)
- You must be 21 or older to order
- Whoever receives the package must be 21 or older
- If you're drunk when the package shows up, you will not be allowed to receive it
- Wine cannot be delivered to a P.O. Box
- We highly recommend you use a business address as your shipping address
Thanks to stick-in-the-mud buzzkilling state legislators, wine may only be delivered to the following states:
- California
- Colorado
- Connecticut
- District Of Columbia
- Florida
- Georgia
- Idaho
- Illinois
- Iowa
- Louisiana
- Michigan
- Minnesota
- Missouri
- Nebraska
- Nevada
- New Hampshire
- New Mexico
- New York
- North Carolina
- Ohio
- Oregon
- South Carolina
- Texas
- Vermont
- Virginia
- Washington
- West Virginia
- Wisconsin
- Wyoming
If your state's not on the list, you're out of luck... for now. Keep up with the ever-changing laws over at ShipCompliantBlog.com, and/or sound the alarms with your state assembly person through FreeTheGrapes.org. Meanwhile, all Federal, state and local laws are complied with in providing this wine.
