LOS ALAMOS, CA – Long-held assumptions
about American history were rocked today with the announcement of a
discovery that may prove that Vikings visited California as long ago as
2005.
Digging in the soil of Los Alamos Vineyard, a team of
archaeologists and enologists unearthed a cache of what appear to be
bottles of Central Coast Sangiovese. The red wine bears a portrait of
Tøøthstejnn the Red, a previously unknown Norse warrior, along with a
poem fragment paying tribute to Tøøthstejnn’s prowess. The year 2005 is
also inscribed on the bottles. The meaning of another inscription –
“Woot Cellars” – remains obscure, experts say.
“We certainly
never expected to discover evidence of a Viking presence in
California,” said lead archaeologist Stud “Dirt” Davis. “And we had no
idea they were into Super Tuscan-style blends. But the more of this
Sangiovese we drank, the more the whole thing made sense, somehow.”
Although
the artifacts are museum-quality, Davis said they were also suited for
immediate drinking now. “Sure, we’ll put some of these bottles up on
the shelf,” he said. “But they’re not just collector’s items. Wine is
made to be enjoyed.”
Davis says the
Sangiovese-Merlot-Cabernet blend’s deep red, gemlike quality was
reminiscent of the jewels sometimes used to embellish Viking armor. But
its complexly layered, spicy flavors of cedar, black pepper, vanilla,
cherry, and cocoa – while familiar to some modern wine drinkers – are unlike anything previously encountered in Norse cuisine.
“It
is kind of brooding and hearty, so there’s that,” Davis said. “But
otherwise, it’s not very, I don’t know, Viking-y. It doesn’t taste
anything like salted cod, that’s for sure.”
Some experts
expressed skepticism about the ability of Norse vessels to reach the
western coast of North America. “Yes, it’s true, even the best Viking
ships would have been hard-pressed to reach California,” Davis points
out. “But by 2005, they easily could have flown.”
Controversy aside, Davis claims that the discovery will change the way we think about Vikings from now on.
“Sure,
they were rapacious pagan plunderers, who left a scorched trail of
misery in their wake. Yeah, they’d just as soon impale you as look at
you.
“But now we know: for all their faults, they had great taste in wine.”
2005 Sangiovese
- Vineyard: Los Alamos
- Composition: 75% Sangiovese 12.5% Merlot 12.5% Cabernet Sauvignon
- Fermentation: Open Top
- Bottled: July 2008
- Alcohol: 13.9%
- pH: 3.49
- RS: 0.077 g/100mL
- Production: 984 Cases
- Release Date: October 2008
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